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Isolation

 

Photo by Burst from Pexels

One of the (many) things that I hate about depression is that it is so isolating. And in the middle of a pandemic? Well... loneliness abounds. Granted, I've fared better than most in this regard since I am about as introverted as they come. But being introverted doesn't mean I don't like being social, y'know? 

I readily admit that I lean heavily toward hermit-dom, but some experiences (e.g. going to see a movie, visiting a new place, etc.) are just better when you have someone to share it with. And that's what I miss. I miss having my boyfriend come from the Chattanooga area every few weeks to visit. I miss calling up my friends to see if they want to go see a movie or have dinner somewhere. I miss sitting in a cafe with my writing pals knocking out thousands of words in a few hours of communal sprints. I miss performing in community theatre.

Unfortunately, the current state of things paired with my persistent depressive disorder leaves me feeling pretty lonely. Now, there is light at the end of the tunnel since I am due for the second dose of the Pfizer vaccine in a week, but I'd be kidding myself if I thought simply getting the vaccine was going to resolve everything, especially since there are so many anti-maskers and folks who think they're invincible.

Side note: Don't be a selfish prick and wear a fucking mask.

To be completely honest, I'm not 100% sure why I'm writing this out or even why I fully intend to press "Publish" once I feel I've sufficiently written out my feelings here. Part of me feels guilty about not having written here in a few weeks, and I'm acutely aware of the impact that my mental health status has on my writing output. 

Maybe this is my way of grasping at control. See, depression? I can still write, even when you have me in your clutches! 

Who knows? 

But I'm writing. That's all that matters.

Peace.
Stef.

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