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Showing posts from February, 2017

2017 - Week 9: I Don't Understand "Butt People"

I have, for as long as I can remember, never understood the human fascination with butts. "Oh, I'm a major butt man. I mean, look at those cheeks." "She got dumps like a truck, truck, truck..." "Oh, my god, Becky, look at her butt." I assume my confusion is due in part to the fact that I grew up with a Colon & Rectal Surgeon as a father and saw many a diagram or x-ray of gastroenterology-related fun. Actually, perhaps that's where most  of my confusion comes from. #ThanksDad When you get down to it, though, why is the butt viewed as a sexual object? We defecate from there, and it is simply 2 slabs of fat designed to make sitting comfortable. Seriously. Imagine trying to sit without a butt. It would be awful. And yet here we are, sexualizing that. WHY? It makes no sense to me. Granted, I have my own preferred body parts (I love  a good, strong pair of shoulders and a well-defined forearm... don't ask. I ca

2017 - Week 8: The Date

For those of you just joining in, I had a date on February 18th, and I promised you all that I would be keeping you updated. As of this writing, the date has finished, and I am happy to report that it went swimmingly. Flowers made some serious effort to sweep me off my feet, and sweep, sweep, sweep he did. No, we didn't kiss on the first date. I'm a lady, damn it! I won't go into severe detail about the night - because come on, even I need a certain modicum of privacy - but I will say that we started out with one of those wine and paint things where you go and have fun painting while imbibing tasty wine. Flowers is a very artistic person whereas I am most certainly not (not in the fine art way, at any rate) so, while he turned out with some really pretty dragonflies on a canvas, I ended up with a trio of misshapen salamanders with wings. We ended up swapping and taking each other's painting home because we're adorable AF. We finished up with the painting c

2017 - Week 7: Why I Hate Fortune Cookies

I have a major issue with today's fortune cookies. I'm not the only one . Let me explain. First, take a look at the photo below. This is a real life, actual fortune I received from a fortune cookie at a Chinese restaurant recently (we won't even get into the fact that fortune cookies are completely foreign to Chinese culture ). FREAKING COP-OUT I know what you're thinking, and you're correct. No, that is NOT a fortune. Cute, perhaps. But a fortune? Most assuredly not. And yet, it's called a fortune cookie. I can't tell you the last time I have actually received an honest-to-God fortune from a fortune cookie, and in truth, I can't even guarantee that I've ever received one. What a travesty. You hear stories of people opening their crispy wafers just after finishing their General Tsao's Chicken to find a tiny piece of paper that says something akin to, "You will inherit a large sum of money," or "Cheer up, tomorr

2017 - Week 6: Flowers, the Sneaky Bastard

I have no idea what's happening right now. My life. So I'm sitting at the front office desk one day at work this past week, and a dude walks in with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. As he enters, he asks, much to my confusion, "Is there a Stefanie here?" Wait. What? Me? Yes. I'm here. But I think you're confused. There must be another Stefanie that you're looking for. Have you tried the salon next door? Apparently, I was not confused, because the address on the envelope that came with the flowers had my full name and my work's address. The man handed me the flowers, and all I could sputter out was, "But... why?" He shrugged his shoulders with the weight of a man who had perhaps delivered too many flowers that day already and simply said, "Ma'am, I just deliver the flowers." And then he left, leaving me with a vase filled with stargazer lilies, roses, and various other floral-type things and quite literally no