Skip to main content

2013: The Year of AWFUL, Pt. 1
or PCOS Is a Big, Fat Bitch

I have needed to write this post for months now, but I’ve been hesitant. Due to the subject matter, it is going to be difficult to write in a positive manner, to make it seem as if it’s not just one giant wall of complain-y text. Plus, more and more keeps happening to add onto my ever-growing hatred of this year that I’m not sure if writing it now would even matter. It all may change tomorrow.

But I’m going to write it anyway. Because I be a rebel, yo.

It started earlier this year when I was diagnosed with PCOS as discussed in this blog post.  If you had told me a year ago that I might not be able to have kids, I probably would have given you a high five and praised the Good Lord Baby Jesus for His divine favor. I had already told myself that I didn’t want kids, that they were messy, annoying, and all around terrifying, so no biggie…

Way biggie.

Over the next few months, I found myself spiraling at dangerous speeds down this cobwebby vortex of self-hatred, and I not only couldn’t but wouldn’t stop it. I recognized that it was happening, but I did nothing. If I want to be completely honest here – and you all know I love the honesty like a fat kid on a diet loves cake – I allowed it to get worse. I wanted to feel bad about myself. I wanted to play the victim, to wallow in self-pity in hopes that someone would pay attention to me and offer a helping hand.

Of course, this backfired simply due to the fact that I didn’t actually let anyone know that I was having a hard time needed help... you know... the part that is actually needed in order to get help. I expected my friends and family to read my mind and force me to get out of my house, to slap me in the face and say, “So what? You’re still the same person. Get over it and move on.”

Oh, good gravy. I just realized that I pulled a Harry Potter. You know how, in one of the books (the 2nd one, I think?? I’m not a Potterhead, forgive me.) Harry gets all bejiggety because he doesn’t get any letters from his friends over the summer? Instead of trying to contact his friends and ask, “Yo, what the frizzuck is up? I miss your faces!” he plays the victim and hides away like a little Nancy. Way to be, Harry.
 Everybody hates me, nobody likes me. Guess I’ll go eat worms.

I totally did that. I ostracized myself and expected people to reach out and help without actually asking for help. So many facepalms…

At any rate, I have been in Poor, Pitiful Stefers mode for quite some time now, wishing that the PCOS would just go away, that I knew I could have kids, that I could prove to the world that I am, in fact, a woman instead of a walking dead uterus and would be more than capable of being an absolutely amazing mother.
All of that being said, I feel like I’m starting to deal with it in a more positive manner now. I have my bad days, of course, but generally my outlook is just a twinge rosier. Not by much, but even miniscule steps forward is progress.

I’d like to say that this is the only trouble I have had this year, but no. Not at all. 2013 has shaped up to be one of the worst in my life (a symptom of that is my lack of posting here on 52 Weeks), and you’re going to get to hear all of it over the next week or so.

Aren’t you excited?



Unknown said…
I'm glad you found it in you to post. It sounds like you're getting there--any progress at all is still progress.
Unknown said…
I have PCOS as well. Was wondering what was up without the regular posts. But just to let you know...

2013 has been a craptastic year for a lot of bloggers. I have a reading list of nearly 30 blogs and little by little I found only 6 positng regularly. Everyone is coming out and saying how crappy it has been for a variety of reasons.

Popular Posts

Soft Things

Exercise #105 : "Soft Things" Make a list of soft things. GO!!! This should be easy enough, shouldn't it?

Bonjour New Followers! Well met!

You'll quickly notice that I love lolcats. Don't judge... They're hilarious. Today's post is going to be pretty short, but it's purpose isn't for me to write, but for YOU to write! Tell me a little bit about yourself! Who are you, from where do you hail, what is your favorite thing about blogging or reading other people's blogs? Tell me anything you'd like! If you have a blog, don't fear the shameless plug! haha Leave a link in your comment and go visit some of the blogs linked by your fellow commenters. Speaking of your blogs, I've been going through my list of followers and looking at your blogs. There is some really great content out there! :) Let me just say that I am so humbled that you would be interested in following me and my project. You're all so wonderful, and I can't thank you enough. So get on with it already! Leave a comment about yourself!

"Yellow List"

Exercise #83 : "Yellow List" What things are yellow? Make a list. At the end of the five minutes, note the three you find most curious. Ah, yellow. One of my least favorite colors. I mean, it's nice and all, but there are so many versions of this color that are simply eye-raping. Anyways, on with the list. Things That Are Yellow: bananas school buses yellow bell pepper tennis balls Post Shredded Wheat boxes (see right) lemons canaries the middle traffic light traffic lines the sun cheddar cheese hay corn butter cabs #2 pencils grapefruit raincoats (stereotypical ones, anyway) bees squash yellow jackets (I HATE those things!) the yolk of an egg scrambled eggs or an omelet peanut M&Ms the Simpsons various flowers rubber duckie etc... So that's my list of yellow things! :) The most curious? Well... I'll go with... but none of those are curious! That's silly. Check back later today for my 5th Character Profile on Nolan Ha