To those of you just joining in on the festivities, feel free to look at Part 1 and Part 2 before reading this one. You don't have to... but things won't make very much sense if you don't.
After I sent text after text to Ephraim trying to apologize for my callousness, I received no response. I was in complete freak-out mode, thinking that he had gotten really angry and didn't even want to be my friend anymore.
Have I mentioned that I tend to blow things way out of proportion?
'Cause I do...
It's kind of a problem.
Anyways, I slept fitfully after sending that last text (Please don't be angry with me.), and I woke up to a wonderfully hopeful text.
What do you think? I am so confused at this point that I don't even know which way is up. Find the north star, Stef. It will guide you home.
At any rate, tell me your thoughts. I, for one, am nonplussed.
Peace.
Stef.
Recap: I am ridiculous and say stupid crap when I take NyQuil.
After I sent text after text to Ephraim trying to apologize for my callousness, I received no response. I was in complete freak-out mode, thinking that he had gotten really angry and didn't even want to be my friend anymore.
Have I mentioned that I tend to blow things way out of proportion?
'Cause I do...
It's kind of a problem.
Anyways, I slept fitfully after sending that last text (Please don't be angry with me.), and I woke up to a wonderfully hopeful text.
Ephraim: I'm not... I just passed out is all.
Stefers: Ok. Good. I was worried. :-/
Ephraim: Eah... Don't be. I just thought it was plain and simple the way I put it together. And, in a way, it was. No reason to apologize for being practical... especially with me...
Stefers: Well, do you understand why I'm so against anything happening between us? Because, like I said, it would probably be a shit show, and I value your friendship too much to jeopardize it.
Ephraim: Well, you know me. I like to have fun anyway... and forgive/forget/move on if something went wrong. Simply because the friendship is too valuable to let anything come between us. See, with me it works like this: friends who are attracted try something. If it doesn't work out (bad, even), if both of us are mature enough, we can both admit to one another that keeping the friendship is far more important than what we couldn't make work. People do it all the time. I mean, that approach makes more sense to me than people who try and yet can't even be friends after they learn that they can't make something deeper work. I do know that you don't operate like that, and that's cool. I'm just hopefully helping you to understand my mentality. That's all. :)
Stefers: It's not an issue of it actually working out. Why bother with something that, because of our vastly different expectations when it comes to relationships, there's no way it would succeed? hahAgain, I fall into the Stefanie-says-too-damn-much-and-should-learn-to-shut-her-trap cycle. I don't know why I said it. It just... came out. Well, I typed it, but that's just semantics. I think the worst part was that added on "hah." Add insult to injury, why don't you, Stef?
Ephraim: Well, that's where I step in and always say, "You never know, because no one really does. But you're entitled to make up your mind beforehand... especially if the facts line up for your own sake."
Stefers: Meh... You can make an educated guess. :)
Ephraim: Unless, of course, you just can't stand someone or something in particular and can only be around them so long. That's different. That's somebody who you've not already analyzed but also decided is not really all that good for your health to be around too much.Wait. He's not talking about himself, is he? Because that's dumb. Surely he's just saying that to make a point... Right?
Stefers: Well, I don't know about that business, but that's neither here nor there.
Ephraim: lol You mean you don't want to come out and say the truth. You can handle being around me only so much. Right?You have got to be kidding me.
Stefers: What? Ephraim, don't be ridiculous. That's probably one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.
Ephraim: Hey, I'm just asking. I mean, if that's true to any measurable degree, then that's a solid answer for your justification towards me regarding a reluctance for any attempt past friendship. Stupid doesn't mean wrong.
Stefers: I already told you why I'm reluctant. We want different things. That's the main reason.
Ephraim: Ok. I believe you.And there you have it. My saga. I didn't really add as many comments to this one as I did the other two simply because I feel like the texts were pretty self explanatory, but that's it. You've read it all.
What do you think? I am so confused at this point that I don't even know which way is up. Find the north star, Stef. It will guide you home.
At any rate, tell me your thoughts. I, for one, am nonplussed.
Peace.
Stef.
Comments
http://www.voyagesinfrance.blogspot.com
naoma*
I always go for the risk because the risk is always better then not knowing what could have been in the end. I went for the risk with my current boyfriend knowing that we wanted two totally separate things and one of them even being a relationship in general and here we are three years later talking about getting engaged.
The fact that you inserted foot in mouth several times and the boy is still wanting to lock lips and even take a chance with you tells me that you have a good thing waiting for you if you wish to take it!
dkeveryday.blogspot.com
Well, MJ and I still misunderstand each other terribly on occasion, but we rarely communicate by text, which helps. And it's safer now to blurt out something uncomfortable, like the time I popped up next to him in Bed Bath and Beyond holding up a nose-hair trimmer and said, "So, we need to talk..."
So yeah, awkward, but hopefully you guys better understand each other now? IDK. In my life, those types of conversations once played out seemed to REPEAT... but I hope that's not the case for you. At least, I hope not under the influence of Nyquil. :) I don't think you said anything bad, though. Sometimes you just have to talk through these things with the person involved, even if it's tough to get through. And leaves you afterwards writhing around wishing you could UNDO, UNDO (I've done a lot of that, obviously).
For what it's worth, I did allow a friendship to become a romance. We had a brief intense affair, but the final outcome was no lover and no friend ...
Maybe there's an alternative medication you could use....? :D
I can only speak on what I've seen in your posts, as I do not know you personally--nor do I know your friendship with this man very well.
What it seems to me, though, is that the problem is stemming from one of two things that you need to work out with yourself:
1) You really want a certain type of relationship that this man isn't willing to give at this point. You're feeding the sexual tension in hopes that one day he'll say what you want to hear. If this is the case, I wouldn't begin a relationship at this point, either--you can't start something hoping that one day he'll change.
OR
2) The problem is actually stemming from a lack of confidence. You really like this man, and you like how he expresses things like wanting to kiss you. You are worried that once you do begin a relationship (or kiss) the intrigue will be gone. You are worried you will disappoint him, and even if you go back to being friends, it won't be the same since he's already seen that intimate side of you. If this is the case, my advice would be to jump in before you regret letting something go that could have been brilliant. You are an in-depth person and the more he gets to know you, the deeper his intrigue will become--it won't lessen it.
Like I said, this is something you need to be honest with yourself about. Or maybe I'm just lacking a good amount of sleeping and I really don't know what I'm talking about...
Either way, I wish you the best of luck.