If you remember from my previous post, "Mr. Perfect Is Out There...," I mentioned that I might write a little ditty about the fabled "Mr. Perfect."
Well, the time has come, folks, for me to unmask Mr. Perfect (or Mrs. Perfect, depending on who you are).
Who is he? What does he do? Why the hell is he so hard to find?
Ahem.
drumroll, please...
He doesn't exist.
I know, I know. Gasps all around, right?
I'm sure most of you are probably going to think, "Man, this chick is totally jaded." But I'm not, really and truly. I am simply a realist.
We are taught from day one by the media and so on that our perfect mate is out there somewhere in this land of beauty and opportunity, but the truth is that there is no such thing as a "perfect partner" or a "soul mate." In the words of Snow White, "Someday my prince will come..." except, he's not.
Don't get me wrong; I would love it if soul mates existed. It would totally appeal to my hopeless romanticism. But I'd also love it if Santa Claus was real. Or the Easter Bunny. And we all know how realistic those are.
Here's the bottom line: If you want a relationship to work with someone, then you make it work. It's that simple. Sure, there are people with whom a relationship might be easier than others, but at the end of the day it's all about making a commitment and sticking with it even if things get hard.
I can imagine some of you are thinking, "Well, then why break up with anyone at all? Why not just 'make it work' with the first person with whom you enter into a relationship?"
What if you decide you don't want to 'make it work' with that person? What if he (or she) decides he doesn't want to 'make it work' with you? That's what dating is for. As callous as this may sound, I have always viewed dating as a weeding process. You're finding out who best fits with your personality, who appeals most to your Love Languages
, etc. If someone doesn't fit the bill, then au revoir. I can be picky, right? I mean, I am planning on spending the rest of my life with this person.
This is how I figure it: there are a bunch of people in the world, right? I mean, come on, there are, what, 6 billion people on the Earth, and you're trying to tell me that only one of those people are my soul mate? That brings my odds of finding said soul mate down to dismal levels, and it's honestly depressing and makes me want to throw in the towel completely. It just doesn't seem worth it.
What are your thoughts? Are you pro soul mate? Or are you, like me, disillusioned by the statistics and an overwhelming sense of realism?
Peace.
Stef.
Well, the time has come, folks, for me to unmask Mr. Perfect (or Mrs. Perfect, depending on who you are).
Who is he? What does he do? Why the hell is he so hard to find?
Ahem.
drumroll, please...
 |
| Notice the little key coming out of his back. Ah, the perfect man... |
I know, I know. Gasps all around, right?
I'm sure most of you are probably going to think, "Man, this chick is totally jaded." But I'm not, really and truly. I am simply a realist.
We are taught from day one by the media and so on that our perfect mate is out there somewhere in this land of beauty and opportunity, but the truth is that there is no such thing as a "perfect partner" or a "soul mate." In the words of Snow White, "Someday my prince will come..." except, he's not.
Don't get me wrong; I would love it if soul mates existed. It would totally appeal to my hopeless romanticism. But I'd also love it if Santa Claus was real. Or the Easter Bunny. And we all know how realistic those are.
Here's the bottom line: If you want a relationship to work with someone, then you make it work. It's that simple. Sure, there are people with whom a relationship might be easier than others, but at the end of the day it's all about making a commitment and sticking with it even if things get hard.
I can imagine some of you are thinking, "Well, then why break up with anyone at all? Why not just 'make it work' with the first person with whom you enter into a relationship?"
What if you decide you don't want to 'make it work' with that person? What if he (or she) decides he doesn't want to 'make it work' with you? That's what dating is for. As callous as this may sound, I have always viewed dating as a weeding process. You're finding out who best fits with your personality, who appeals most to your Love Languages
, etc. If someone doesn't fit the bill, then au revoir. I can be picky, right? I mean, I am planning on spending the rest of my life with this person.This is how I figure it: there are a bunch of people in the world, right? I mean, come on, there are, what, 6 billion people on the Earth, and you're trying to tell me that only one of those people are my soul mate? That brings my odds of finding said soul mate down to dismal levels, and it's honestly depressing and makes me want to throw in the towel completely. It just doesn't seem worth it.
What are your thoughts? Are you pro soul mate? Or are you, like me, disillusioned by the statistics and an overwhelming sense of realism?
Peace.
Stef.
Comments
Alex
Breakfast Every Hour
I write a lot about love...and you've just really inspired me. I came into work tired and lack luster but reading your post has given me new life. Thank you!
http://cinderitaadventures.blogspot.com/
(my closest girlfriends are nothing short of soul mates!)
But I'm right with you on making it work! I truly believe that there are no matches made in heaven- just two people who make it work as it were!
I was never good in introduce myself, so let's be quick: I'm Anna and I'm brazilian. (See? You have followers all around the world. That must be exciting.)
And I know my English is not perfect (I haven't finished my course yet), so don't be surprised if you find a lot of grammatical errors in my comment.
I entered my blogger account a few days ago adn I saw your blog in the Blogs of Note.
As i always do, I went checking what it was about. And I completely loved it. I love write, I love the magic each language has and the power and flowing of the words. And I found a writer's blog dedicated to writers and writing. Perfect!
I'll keep visiting it, be sure!
And finally, my opinion about today's post: I believe there's no soul mate. It's impossible, since a) the world has 6 bilion people, so you'd take years to find your Mr. Perfect, IF you found him and b)there are so many people who you identify with, for who you feel atracted for the most different reasons that it'd be extremely hard to say that just one could be the right one for you.
Hmm, that's it.
See you.
I met and married my husband in eight short weeks, that was 25 years ago, another of those God/Match maker thing (they seem to be the best ones, if they're real)
Love is not this silly emotion Hollywood wants us to believe (sorry Cinderita..), sometimes it's a lot of work, with little or no reward. Other times, it's very little work and lots of rewards, but it always comes down to commitmment.
Btw, does anybody know how one gets chosen to be on the blogs of note?
:)
www.myblogginglife.blogspot.com
But my second thought brought the realization that the 'perfect' opera singer cannot be taken-in by the romantic dreams of her characters if she wants to make them live on the stage!
Now for my thoughts on the perfect, 'soul' mate? Hmmm. My thinking has been contaminated by Chuang-Tzu, C.G. Jung, and the Dog Whisperer: I have come to the conclusion that the universe provides us with what we need much more willingly than it provides us with what we think we want. Unfortunately in our age of over abundant everything we are normally incapable of distinguishing between these two states of being. In this nearly perpetual state of confusion we are oblivious to not really needing romantic notions of seamless oneness and bliss. This does not mean that we do not need, sometimes, to be hugged and made to feel safe in arms we trust; but nor does it overlook the need our creative selves have sometimes to be challenged with overcoming our fears on our own two feet, even when that means breaking-up with someone.
I suspect that the perfect mate is that person able to provide the hugs when needed, but who gives with exuberance the space to walk alone when needed. And such perfection is not likely to be a journey of eternal bliss and peace. Does this mean that the perfect mate does or does not exist? Well, s/he may exist, but only by broadening our understanding of perfection to include life's apparent annoyances and grotesqueries.
And so it would appear that I have cheated your query, Stef, by suggesting that the perfect mate does exist, but only if we deform the meaning of perfection to include the breadth of life's complexity, a complexity that seems to include a molecular imperative from whatever comprises the universe for capital 'L' Life to grow physically, psychologically, and spiritually.
Argh! That has come out sounding so corny despite my straining to make it not so! Why is it so easy for words to impede our ability to convey an idea? At least the sun will continue to shine, regardless, and the earth to spin, too, and life to carry on blissfully oblivious to our ideas and beliefs good, bad or indifferent! I do confess that it is a great relief to know that the truly important things in life do not rely on our words for their existence!
I was amused when, as I was editing this last paragraph, Vonda Shephard's song "Maryland' came into my ears randomly from iTunes DJ: Here are the opening lyrics:
I've been thinking
I've been thinking I've been thinking too much
I just want to live now for a little while
And cast my dreams to the wind.
...
Yup, that told me in no uncertain times to stop ... thinking!
Thanks, Stef, for the great blog.
.guy
It will happen when you least expect and it will most likely be an introduction through a mutual friend -- so, don't turn down any party invites or "let's meet for drinks" invites...
I wish luck and good thoughts to the disillusioned.
HeatherP
www.heatherpranitis.blogspot.com
The possibility of finding the so-called one true love of your life in a planet this people heavy is a bit too far fetched. The trouble with making it work is the end result. It should feel worthwhile. IF it is not, then there is no point in even trying. If you're busy making a relationship work, only to realise that you're not enjoying it, then the whole exercise is futile.
The goal for most decisions is personal happiness, not the greater good. WE consider the greater good only when family is directly involved, sometimes not even then...
Not sure about what I'm trying to say... I should have stopped at I agree with you...!!!
The concept of soul mates isn't logical. It's not like there is only one single match that can work out for one person. How comes some people might feel like they click with several people?
I believe Disney played a huge role in planting us with thoughts of Prince Charming since childhood. That's why so many marriages don't work out- because the expectations are just too high. I say don't start any relationship with any expectations- it just turns it into a trade or something- marriage is much more deeper than that.
"My Black and White World"
life in an old mickey mouse cartoon...
http://mybandwworld.blogspot.com/
plus, if you really think about it a prefect person be endlessly annoying.
I think I was just very lucky to meet Janie but I can also say that I met her after some serious soul searching and getting to know myself. I learned over time what made me happy, and how to articulate that and recognize it when I saw it.
And of course I iron and cook and do my share of our domestic chores. I'm pretty certain that Janie wouldn't be convinced that I am her soul mate if I sat in front of the TV watching sports while she did all the work.
It seems to me, that if a relationship is built on anything less than equality and mutual respect then it will fail as a relationship regardless of whether the relationship is held together by determining to make it work. If you have mutual respect and equality and then add, shared views and interests along with sincere feelings of affection then I think the relationship chances of success increase quite a lot.
The thing that seems to get in the way sometimes is ego. One or the other in a relationship just has to have the upper hand and then equality and partnership go out the window, followed by mutual respect and finally, the relationship itself.
At least that's my opinion...
Peace,
Vic
I dont believe in soul mates, I believe in equality in a relationship, I believe that both people have to give 100% and be repectful and honest. I believe that the test of love is your ability to solve problems together and then be able to laugh at it together afterwards.
I am far from ready to try and attempt another relationship yet, but I have learnt (finally) that no man can have me that does not deserve me. I will only accept someone who gives of himself as much as I do.
This is not an 'o poor you' story, this is a happy story. I would never ever have believed how happy and fullfilled my life could be. Do I still believe in Beauty and the Beast? Yes I do, but they are both me.