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Rogue Meat

In lieu of a writing exercise today, I have decided to tell you all a little anecdote about my odd morning.

Actually, it all started a couple of days ago. I came home Sunday evening to a... different smell in my house. It wasn't overwhelming or completely offensive; it was simply strange, and I had a hard time placing it. Figuring that one of my roommates had cooked something that, to them, might have smelled wonderful earlier that evening, I shrugged it off. It would wear off once I woke up in the morning. No harm done.

Yesterday, I woke up and honestly didn't notice any smell. Of course, I don't spend much time anywhere in my house other than my bedroom and bathroom, so it's natural that I wouldn't smell something that was, say, originating from the kitchen. Last night, however, I came home after work through the back door leading to the kitchen, and the smell was still hanging stagnantly in the air, only intensified. Okay, I thought. Leftovers... I hope that was the last of it. It honestly was starting to smell pretty rank.

This is Gigantor. Well, he looks kind of like this anyway...
A.D.D. SIDE NOTE: The only reason I entered through the back door to the kitchen was because my door - the door that leads directly from the back yard into my room - was, at the time, being occupied by Gigantor, the Human-Eating Spider (pictured right... kind of).

Seriously, guys, this spider has been haunting my stoop for the past several nights now, and I've even gotten a face full of web a few of those nights by walking up my steps without looking. Thankfully, I never got a face full of Gigantor, because I'd probably be without a face and, incidentally, dead right now if that had happened.

Thankfully, I had the wherewithal to take a broom to his web last night, but being as my face destroying his web previously had no effect on the reformation of his prey-catcher I highly doubt that my broom made him see the errors in his home placement. I am hoping that death is not the answer, but it's getting to the point where I might consider beating the shit out of this arachnid.

Moving on...

So there's this smell in my house, right? I go to bed without another thought on the subject, but I am awoken at 5am by two very angry kitties (see Lily and Kitty Kitty) who proceed to lead me, meowing loudly, to the kitchen. At first, I think that they're hungry (they sometimes wake me up at the ass-crack of dawn and won't leave me alone until I give them something to eat), but as I enter the kitchen, I am nearly knocked down by this terrible odor that rivals the Bog of Eternal Stench in Jim Henson's 'Labyrinth.'
See? It even looks stinky.
I start sniffing around my house, trying to locate the smell, and I soon find myself zeroing in on my trash can.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I am a "Supertaster," and my sense of smell and taste rival that of a bloodhound. Well, maybe not that strong, but they are definitely well above average. It's why I'm such a picky eater and often choose bland, creamy foods over spicy / really strong flavors.

After searching through the contents of my trash can, I am completely stumped. There's nothing there. And yet the smell remains. What the hell?? After a few more minutes of ransacking my trash can, I finally discover the source of the mephitis.*

There, hiding behind my trashcan all rogue-y is a ziplock bag with a raw, spoiled sausage sitting directly on the floor. Ew. I'm not really one to be affected by smells so much as to gag, but I definitely suffered a few dry heaves upon picking up that little baggy. I plugged my nose with my right hand and evacuated the house to toss it in the bins outside.

Unfortunately, the smell is still quite prevalent inside, but it has lessened quite a bit over the past few hours. I also put an air freshener in the kitchen with the hopes of masking the scent until it dissipates.

So here's the writing exercise for you:
Think of a little anecdote from your life - it can be anything - and write about it. Add as much detail as you can, and have fun with it!

If you can't think of a story to tell, then make one up! Or just write something that was inspired by this post. Do you hate spiders? Write about that. Are you secretly turned on by the smell of rancid meat? Write about that!

1,2,3, GO! 


*This is my word of the day today! Learn what it means, and use it in a sentence today!

mephitis -
  1. a poisonous or foul-smelling gas emitted from the earth
  2. a distinctive odor that is offensively unpleasant
P.S. 1,000+ followers?!?!??! I am completely overwhelmed and humbled. You guys are EXCELLENT!


Desi said…
Appreciate the new word, and holy crap, I hate weird smells. The spider is a whole 'nother problem. Think it would be fun to write about 10 Diabolical Ways to Destroy Eight Legged Creepers. . .
Since you mention weird odours, I shall write a tiny anecdote about a weird smell thing from work... Here it is...

"March-April 2009. This was The Times of India, Chennai edition's first year. This newspaper is known to celebrate any and all anniversaries with great aplomb. Celebrations include the publication of special anniversary supplements and such like. Of course, the responsibility of pulling out such content came to supplements desk of the newspaper, where I work.
The supplements desk works out of the basement of the building and we were gearing up to work on weekends and late nights once printer deadlines had been fixed. (Note: our work weeks are from Monday to Friday). During this hectic time, we were faced with a peculiar situation, mass repair! Apparently, some big shot in housekeeping thought it would be a really awesome idea to do a complete inventory and clean up of the building over the weekend whilst most people were missing. This meant, of course, that the basement would be most affected.
We are below the sewage line, so go figure. Apart from stinky sewage, the odour of which would disappear after a while, all of us, reporters and designers included, began to detect something more in the air. It was not rancid, but was not pleasant either, an in-between scent, if you can call it that.
As the days passed by, the smell got worse and the rumours about a potential corpse in the air-conditioning vents got stronger. April being summer, didn't help much really. Those of us who walked in from outside wanted to feel that first second of cool air when you walked into an air-conditioned room, but this smell was an assault on the unsuspecting person.
It was soon discovered that a rat got stuck in the vent and died and was in some advanced stage of decomposition. To counter this, housekeeping kept spraying lemongrass air freshener into the basement. So we had a combination of fragrances - sewage, dead rat and lemon grass. I won't elaborate any further. The dead rat, which was rotting in the vent running above a locked room, was retireved and disposed off. The basement continued to smell weird for a few days. The anniversary issue to commemorate The Times of India's Chennai edition's first year in Chennai, called Wassup Chennai, was published to much fanfare and no reports of asphyxiation dude to malodorous environs..."
There's something about spiders that's just wrong. It's like they're spies from some parallel nightmare universe. And yet... I can't help but find them fascinating. As long as they're not on my face.
Ethan said…
Hey Stef,

Just found your blog and think it's great. Congrats on the 1000+ followers!
megantwenty7 said…
This reminds me of my scary moth episode.
There had been a moth flying around the apartment that my boyfriend and I could not catch - although we had tried many times and only came out looking ridiculous jumping around like monkeys grabbing the air.

But then, one morning I was getting ready to go meet some friends, and I jumped in the shower (which out of paranoia I usually check for spiders but did not this time because I was in a hurry). The first thing I saw once I was fully in was this GIANT moth, chilling on the shower curtain, about 3 inches from my face! I immediately panicked, screamed so loud my boyfriend thought I was in the midst of being murdered, and then I about took out the shower curtain while jumping out. My boyfriend came running in and all I said was "THE MOTH IS IN THE SHOWER!".

So, he got the moth - apparently it could no longer function because it was so wet, so it was easy to catch this time. Now that the whole moth fiasco was taken care of I finally took my shower.

Then, I went to the other room to get dressed - still very relieved about the lack of moth - until I looked down. There was ANOTHER moth! It was crawling towards me on the floor - I jumped up, hit my leg on the bed frame, and then fell over onto the bed in pain. My boyfriend, again, ran to my rescue but this time he was laughing at the fact that I keep being attacked. Through my pain and my laughter I yelled "There's ANOTHER one! THERE ARE TWO MOTHS. No wonder we couldn't catch it!"

I have never had a fear of moths really, but to this day I cannot stand them. I feel like they are out to get me now.
DianeCorwin said…
so your roomies never noticed the smell? and i think it will come down to death: it's you vs. the spider. Woman vs. beast.... :D
Unknown said…
Thank you for your blog about a strange smell in your house. Fascinating.
Aurum said…
Boy, do I have a story to tell.

I recently shifted house to this neat little place in Nashvile, Tennessee. It had nice facilities and everything and if I got really bored I could just watch the cats being cute. That is... until recently.

For some reason beyond my comprehension, these people just come up and destroy my nets. They just up and make it crumble to dust. I don't understand what I do wrong. Sometimes, they wake up in the night for the sole purpose of annihilating my residence.

A few days ago, thankfully, the people stopped trying to void my home. I hope this era of peace will continue for long.

Yours sincerely,

PS: Please don't call me Gigantor, it's a horrible name and my wife makes fun of me :(
BeMistified said…
Thank you for the new word, I am going to be saying it a lot. I don't think most people even knew of such a word. I am so glad you found out what the smell was, ugh that would have driven me crazy! I love the name Gigantor for the spider. I would watch out,he may be plotting to grab you for knocking down his web, and if he is as big as that picture, I would stay far far away. I am so glad I stumbled across this blog! Thank you for sharing.
This comment has been removed by the author.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Summer said…
i wanted to thank you for the new word, as well. i am a big fan of expanding my vocabulary!
SSW said…
OMG....I couldn't get past the spider part! I HATE spiders! I'd rather see anything but spiders! KILL it quick! Oh and I hate mysterious bad smells as well...sorry for unfortunate events of your day!
Aliina Theresa said…
I am sitting in a corner right now because of a spider in the room. Also for some reason the way you wrote that really caught my attention...
Best wishes with your situation =]
TMarieLewis said…
HAHA That spider was huge! I probably would have entered through another door also. As for the smell, The Kittens lead the way, thats really funny!
Chris said…
Seriously.....the spirit in your writing is quite infectious...that's why we come back and you have 1000+.....your right up there ;-)...Sydney Morning Herald, the Guardian UK, Reuters and 52 weeks...thats my morning read over breakfast.

Don't worry too much about the spider - they don't eat much.

I know because my first Saturday job when I was at school was working on a spider farm. These farms are quite common in Australia because the farms need so much space and they need to be in remote areas. And we have loads of both.
It's quite funny because everybody wanted the benefits of spiders but nobody wanted to live next door to a spider farm. This meant that I had to travel 2 hours to get to the farm at Wilcania every Saturday morning for 6 months.
The job didn't last long. Shearing the spiders proved to be very hard ;-)
That is terrifying. I don't think I'd ever be able to enter the bedoom if THAT was occupying the doorframe. What did you do?!
Blabber Boovy said…
Haha great post...and I truly appreciate the word of the day...I was looking for something that could possibly beat pungent in the description of stench.
Anonymous said…
I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am that you referenced "The Labrynth" since it's my favorite movie! If it truly was a bog of eternal stench smell then that's just gross. Also, spiders, EWWWW. Glad you rid yourself of it.
Thanks for sharing!
Yvonne said…
I wildlife garden and have moved spiders off the front porch entry way. I use two long sticks and move the spider and web at the same time over a couple of posts and they spin the web at the moved to location. Also if you destroy the web enough times it will move on because that is how they catch what they eat. Not going to stick around if it cannot catch any food. Otherwise just kill it cause there are millions out there and they are in the food chain for bigger things such as birds and wasps. Personally I don't kill them, but not all people love them.
Alessandra said…
WOW, talk about spider really I'm gonna talk about another spider story. Here's my arachno-experience As usual I woke up without fearing the alarm clock, since I am still on vacation.
I made my way to the living room after pouring a gallon size cup of cappuccino, I joined my husband, who was watching a marathon of the 'Outer Limits',the newer series, where the writers got really out of hand with aliens, technology and..spiders.
I started watching the new episode and soon realized it was about space. Now, I love space stuff, so
I thought this was going to be one cool episode, with aliens, space ships and unknown planets.

Without going into details too much, four people were on an expedition to bring back some antidote for all the people that were dying on their planet. Unfortunately, as fate or the writers would have it, they get into some kind of space accident and they are desperately hurling toward a gas giant. At the last moment, they get flung from the planet's orbit onto one of the planet's moons. Enter the spiders.
The ship is wrecked, the governor is hurt, so are the doctor and the captain. So our hero is the only one that can go outside to check things out.
He puts his space suit on, goes out and ...zap, a gigantic spider bites him and punctures his suit. The people inside the ship yell at him to get back inside, but our hero has gotten a hefty dose of alien spider's venom, so he's not moving too fast.
However, since the episode has to last one hour, he makes it back to the ship,but when they open the door, a couple of those nasty spiders make their way in as well. Our hero is in pain, so the doctor gives him some Oxycontin,no wait that's another show... So he gets his drugs and starts dreaming about the little woman back home, the kid and how the whole planet is waiting on him to save them. Only the poor guy thinks he's really back on the home planet, and he's kind of confused. Everybody keeps telling him it's the poison from the spider that makes him feel like that.

All of the sudden he wakes up and he's back on the ship. In the meantime, one of those nasty spiders has gotten a hold of the governor, attached himself to her neck, and begun to spin his deadly web. She's half covered with the stuff and looks quite uncomfortable. She can't talk, the only thing she repeats is ;"I see, I see...".
Well, our hero is pretty disgusted, but also very confused because to him the hallucinations are real, but the doc keeps telling him, that reality is on the ship, not back home. For the next 20 minutes this poor guy goes back and forth between the home planet and the ship where things get worse every minute.

on one of his trips back to reality, he discovers that the governor has become a she-spider, the doc is dead, and he and the captain are actually inside a gigantic space monster,not on a planet. Somehow, they manage to fix the only escape pod, and since he's the highest paid actor on the show, he gets to go on the pod and brings the serum. The old captain launches him as his last heroic act and he clears the belly of the giant monster (hey, this sounds familiar). Finally, he's out in space, and he gets rescued by his own people, guided by his wife who was in charge of search and rescue. There he goes, he's about to become a hero for real, when he starts muttering:" I see, I see.."

Boom, camera cuts to another scene, and here's the whole crew of the space ship, all being suffocated by the web of the spiders, which are on their necks. The biggest spider of them all was on the neck of our hero, who could only mutter "I see, I see".
Moral of the story, when you're dying from a spider bite your mind makes up all kinds of dreams for you to escape into, some of them just happen to be nightmares, at least that's what the announcer guy said.

My moral is a little different: kill that spider Stef, or you could be next!!
couchbarnacle said…
The textbook currently being hurtled across the gymnasium is approximately 8lbs with a worn spine and words written in permanent marker along the pages marking the book as "stupid" and "boring". It has almost a thousand pages dedicated to one of the oldest types of knowledge: mathematics. That dusty old tome had been sitting in that run-down gymnasium all summer. It's first chance to test its intellectual mettle in almost four months and it is discomfited by its current use. That's totally understandable because it is being used to crush a giant cockroach that had been stalking me all day. It slams hard onto the table directly in front of me, slides off, and lands with a echo-y thud on the tiled floor.

I spent a month in that roach-infested gymnasium organizing the textbooks for all of the students for grades 5-12 of Lake Highland Preparatory School. I fought off giant beetles and flying Floridian mosquitoes the size of hamsters setting up the school lists for each student. Mary Mautson is taking Biology Honors, World Literature, Pre-Calculus, French, Art History, and Computer Level 2. It was my job to get all of the texts for those classes in a neat and organized pile for her to walk through the gym, find her pile, and walk out with the ease of not knowing the danger I faced each day to make that a possibility. Clearly, I was underpaid.

I wiped the dusty sweat from my forehead and moved on to the next student keeping my calculus textbook on hand for the next crawly critter vying for gymnasium dominance. I stalked through the aisles with feigned confidence keeping a close eye on my nearest exit just in case those exoskeletoned beasts attempted to join forces for an ambush. I felt their beady eyes on me as a rain cloud burst directly over the gym sending the building into a temporary darkness with sheet upon sheet of hot precipitation. That was their moment. The perfect time to strike while my gaze was affected by the change in light. I could feel the pressure of them scuttling toward me. I leaped upon a table and fought with every ounce of fear and determination within me. It was an impossible victory but I strove for it nonetheless. As their numbers increased with each attack, I let out one guttural shriek, "You may take my life, but you can never take my COLOR PERCEPTION!!!"


Obviously, this story took a fictional turn with the onset of my supposed bravery. I was a complete wimp that summer.
gigefrog said…
check out camel spiders....
VetTekky said…
Okay, first off, DO NOT check out the camel spiders. You will either cry or crap your pants. I might have done both. While vomiting. Into a toilet bowl filled with all my hopes and dreams. It's that horrible. Alas, your curiosity now will likely be getting the better of you, as mine was when a friend told me a similar thing, but at least you have been warned. Have some toilet paper handy.
Secondly, I love the way that you write as you are thinking. With your little asides and distractions. It shows that you aren't trying to turn an idea into a novel, you're simply taking your brain and rubbing it out on a piece of paper. Or your keyboard. Whichever. Doesn't matter. I guess I'm saying I like the way you think. You have any plans or ideas for NaNo 2010?
Here's my odd happening, and you're involved!

Today, I was reading a Canadian's blog and came across the word 'stoop' for 'veranda'. Now I always believed that 'stoop' or 'stoep' was South African slang and that no-one on earth would know what I meant if I used it.

Anyway, I'd barely finished commenting that I thought 'stoop' was Dutch origin and 'Well I never! do you use it over there too?' when I read your post and there was The Word again. Of course, I have to comment, don't I?

I feel like I've been here before...
Kirsten said…
A couple days ago, I noticed a grotesque odor emanating from the trunk of my car. I did the only thing I could. I told my husband that he had to clean it out (after all, what else is a hubby for?). The stench dissipated after everything was removed, but we still couldn't find the source. Could there be some old turkey burgers, escaped from a miscreant grocery bag, laying around somewhere? Who knew, I was just thankful that my car was now smelling as fresh as a bottle of Febreeze.
This momentary happiness abandoned me, however, when I came to discover that the funk had taken up residence in my house.
What could possibly be causing this offensive smell?
Finally, we narrowed down the search. It had to be coming from the stroller- it was the only thing that had gone from my trunk directly into the house. As I moved in closer, my nose told me I was correct. I had won! (but, somehow I didn't exactly feel like a winner).
Was it the tires? Had I inadvertently rolled through something that was caught in the treads?
No- that wasn't it...
My eyes were drawn suddenly to the pocket under the seat. I held my breath.
There- among the nest of baby sweatshirts and extra diapers: a sippy cup.
Still filled to the brim with milk.
Hey there! Damn ugly spider!!!

Thought I'd check in and show some support, still got a nice blog going here I see, very good ;-) Have a great day!
Blessed Rain said…
My short story may be found at the link!

Glad you found the stink and eradicated it!
Marissa Hawkins said…
Just wanted to say, your reference to the Bog of Eternal Stench made me very happy. Thank you.
When you live in the country in a house with a wood foundation, you quickly learn it pays to keep those air vents covered with wire. When an opossum decides to crawl under a house to die, it chooses a corner as far away from the crawl space door as possible -- in our case, under the dining room floor.

My husband loved going after that little critter corpse in order to give it a proper burial and rid our eating area of the less-than-savory aroma.
Angela Baarz said…
Dear Spiders,
I am willing to share my home with you. Just don't let me know about it.

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