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Exercise #165 : Bob's Front Page

What if Bob appeared on the front page of his local newspaper-- but he didn't know about it until the following day?"Holy crap!" Estelle bellowed from the kitchen, her raspy voice breaking loudly through lips that were dangling a lit cigarette out of the left side. "Bob! Come here!"

"What?" Bob hollered. He was sitting in his chair holding a cold beer and watching the football game, and nothing short of the Lord Jesus Christ's return could make him move.

"Come here!" Estelle repeated herself, this time more loudly. "You're in the paper!"

"What?" Surely he hadn't heard her correctly. In the paper? What for?

"The paper! I'm looking at your picture right this second!" With a sigh, Estelle pushed herself out of her chair and joined her husband in the living room. "Look," she said. "Right here."

And there he was. It was an unflattering picture of him standing on the stoop of his home in a stained wifebeater and a Red Sox baseball cap, but that wasn't what concerned him. The headline, "Man Commits Treason - Sells Important Information To Al Quaida" was placed directly above the picture in big, block letters.

"Bob, what did you do?" Estelle took a long drag from her cigarette and blew an incredibly large cloud of smoke into the air. The cloud wafted in the air until it was whipped about by the overhead fan.

"I didn't do nothin'," he said. "Treason? What do I know that can help Al Quaida?"

"Hell if I know! But you obviously did something!"

"I didn't do nothin'. I swear."

Estelle's eyes narrowed as she critically observed her husband. "Nothin', huh?"

"Yeah. That's what I said. Nothin'."

Her mouth slowly cracked into a sly grin, revealing dull, smoke-stained enamel.

"If they're wrong like you say," she said slowly, "then I'm sure there's a way we can get some money out of this."

"I mean, obviously it's a mistake," he said. "So why not? You think we can sue 'em?"

"Sure. Only problem is finding a lawyer who will do it for cheap. Or, better yet, free."  She grabbed a nearby copy of the yellow pages. "What are they under? Lawyer?"

5 minutes up.

I'm kind of annoyed at myself for not taking the time to describe either Estelle or Bob further in this exercise. I have a few spots where I have some marginally useful qualifiers and whatnot, but I feel like both of the characters I had in mind could have been much more aptly served. Ah, well... Better luck next time.

So the henna journey is officially over! I spent a good portion of my day yesterday wrapped up in saran wrap with mud packed thickly on my head, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to document the entire process for you, from start to finish. While it seems a bit lengthy, it's actually really fun, and I always finish out the day feeling so much better about life in general.

Seriously. When I washed all of that gunk out of my hair and looked at myself in the mirror, I let out a little squee because I was so pleased. It's a bit garish in color right now, but I can tell that it's going to settle into a really lovely coppery red by the time it has finished oxidizing. Don't worry; if that doesn't make sense to you, my post will explain all of it. I promise.

At any rate, expect that coming up later this week! Woohooooo! :)



lea said…
Well, that would be a great surprise for Bob. Any reason why he should be posted on the front page?

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