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The Twilight Saga: New Moon - A Review

Before I get started with the review, here's today's exercise.

Exercise #98 : "S. Gossips"

"S." said he say they said something really horrible, and it got back to... Oh, boy... Who is "S."? Describe him / her. Why did S. say that? What exactly did S. say?" Show, don't tell. Write the scene.

Anyways, here we go.

I went to see New Moon with my sister, Jenn, and my roommate, Andy, last night. It was hilarious. I mean, absolutely 100% comedic. They were going for comedy, right? Right?

Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoy a nicely shaped male torso as much as the next chick (or guy even), but when said torso belongs to a minor I'm kind of icked out by it. My favorite part, however, was when Bella fell off the motorcycle and started to bleed copiously from a wound on her forehead. Well, Jacob (For you oh-so-intelligent non-Twihards who haven't read the books or watched the movies, this is the minor I was referring to earlier. He's a werewolf who is in love with Bella Swan, the main character and is pictured left.) decides that it would be a good idea to dramatically take off his shirt and pat at the wound with the t-shirt. When this happened, my sister, my roommate, and I immediately burst into peals of laughter that filled the entire theater. Thankfully, the theater was relatively empty, and there was even a group of people behind us who were chuckling heartily as well. It seriously was just... ridiculous. It was better than the first, but that really isn't saying much.

One thing that was noticeably different was the directing style. The first movie was directed by Catherine Hardwicke (Lords of Dogtown, The Nativity Story), and I'm sure she's a very nice woman... but she is not meant to direct. It was apparent in every single shot, in the acting of the actors, in every aspect of direction during the entire film.

I'm not a really big fan of Kristen Stewart's acting style to begin with, but everything she did on screen was amateurish and inexperienced. Her main form of expressing emotion was to blink more times than humanly possible and sigh audibly every 4-5 seconds. Huff, huff, huff...Ok, Kristen Stewart, I get it. You're upset. Now, part of this is the poor acting ability of the actor, but I've seen her in other movies. She's not that bad. In the first Twilight movie, however, she is just dismal. That reflects the director's abilities to get an emotion from their actor. I can imagine as Kristen was doing a scene, Catherine was standing just off camera. "Look flustered! No, more! Huff a bunch and blink! Good job!"

Don't even get me started on Robert Pattinson. First off, I absolutely do not see what every teenage girl in the world has gone gaga over. He's alright, but he's creepy. I don't know the actor, so I'm not saying this about him personally, but Edward Cullen (pictured right) is a creepy, co-dependent, stalker who is pasty white and thin as a skeleton. Not my type at all. I just don't see how someone would find him attractive in this movie. I will give props to the actor, though. Pattinson has stated that he plays Cullen on the creepy side because, well... Cullen is creepy. hah

But I'm not here to talk about the 1st movie. I'm here to talk about the 2nd one. The Twilight Saga: New Moon. It was absolutely ridiculous. As I said before, it was hilarious. I've not laughed that hard in a theater in a very long time. Too bad it was supposed to be a dramatic romance.

There were some things that were better in this movie, though, than in the first. There was a different director, thank God. Instead of Catherine Hardwicke, Chris Weitz stepped in to guide the cast and crew. Of course, there was an obvious change in appearances, specifically with the women, because Chris is, in fact, a man. Bella and her female cast members suddenly wore more makeup. Their hair was smoother and more flawless-looking. That actually kind of bothered me, but that's neither here nor there. Chris also seems to have an obsession with circling camera shots. Take an actor, stick them in the middle of a room, and then move the camera around them in a circle. I swear, I got dizzy a few times. On the other hand, Weitz seemed to get a much more genuine performance out of the actors than Hardwicke had. Kristen Stewart was still huffy, but much less so. Edward was barely in the movie, but he seemed a tad bit less iffy. There was one part where he and Bella were kissing, and they started grunting. It was so awkward and unexpected that I'm even chuckling a little now as I type this.

As far as the plot... Well, me and Twilight do not mix. I got to the 4th book and simply could not continue reading that drivel when she got pregnant with Edward's baby. Needless to say, the whole idea of killing oneself because the one you "love" has perished... It's romantic, sure, but I hate Romeo & Juliet. It's my least favorite of everything Shakespeare has ever written, but that's another blog for another time. Let's just say that I find it ludicrous.

In the end, I'll most likely refrain from seeing New Moon again... That is, unless I need a hearty laugh, in which case this might be the first thing I'll think of.


P.S. I just found out that they're in talks to make a TV series out of Twilight. Seriously??? You have got to be kidding me. A TV series? Really? I mean, REALLY? When did they think this would be a good idea? Sadly, a lot of people will probably watch it. Too bad Robert Pattinson (He's in talks to play Edward, of course.) will be typecast for the rest of his life if he goes ahead with this.


GMAN said…
Romeo & Juliet is a satirical masterpiece. Don't hate. Twilight is the exact "tragedy" Bill was parodying when he wrote R&J.
Jonathan said…
Ugh, a TV series? The Vampire Diaries is already a rotten enough re-interpretation of Twilight. Television might spontaneously combust if they air a show actually based on the books. Bomb shelter, anyone?
Anonymous said…
Haha.. I told you it was hilarious. I wish I could have seen your face when Jacob took his shirt off. It was so priceless. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. It was just so ridiculous that the director HAD to mean to make it that way. EVERYONE in the theater was laughing (but I may have that wrong as my laughter was somewhat deafening), and the theater was full when I saw it.

I'm having a hard time finishing the series as it is. I mean, I'm kind of curious to know how it ends, but I can't seem to get myself motivated to read the darn thing. Oh well. If only another good series like Harry Potter would come along, cause sorry, Twilight, you just ain't it.
Laura Eno said…
I am proud to say that I have not read or seen any of the Twilight franchise. I've heard too many comments about it to hand over money to something that's so detrimental to young girls.
MCrittenden said…
ROfl, saw the movies...won't go near the books. I figure I will just do what was intended: go see the damn things since the books were obviously only made for the visual aspect. I only saw the second movie because they decided to use a few REAL actors that time that I thought were half way decent. (Sigh) pity that Dakota Fanning had maybe 3 lines in the whole movie and not much more than 5 minutes or so screen time. She was probably the most talented of the bunch. VULGAR DISPLAY OF POWER! Wretched display of acting. I would also like to add that it is really sort of an oxymoron that the movies would have you believe werewolves "thin" out vampire populations when apparently the writer wants you to think that a vampire can smoke a werewolf with the flick of his pinky. Pretty much what I would do with that franchise...flick it away like an old cigarette butt. AND...I'm spent..
Cindy said…
I haven't read the books or even seen the first movie, but because of all the hype I had to see what this was all about. Anyway, the movie was extremely boring - despite the guys. I wanted to walk out of the theater, but I was with someone who didn't want to leave.

What bothered me the most was Bella. She came across as an extremely weak character. Constantly whining, crying, staring at the walls, and, of course the screaming.
I like to see the main female character be much stronger. Maybe her attitude was realistic, but I don't think it makes for a good story.

There were also a ton of plot holes, which are too long to list (or even remember).

I would have liked to see more of Edward though. Maybe because he came across as mysterious to me.

Sequels are harder to write and to me the story feels like the author just went with her first idea just to keep things going. (Have Edward leave Bella...make a love triangle, that'll work)
asrai said…
Uh Vampire Diaries is bascially Twilight in a TV series.
Anonymous said…
I have to disagree with your assessment of Catherine Hardwicke's directing. If they're bad actors, they're bad actors. And they are. Every single one of the main ones, at least. Some of the supporting cast are good-- Bella's best friend, Alice, Jasper in his super weird way. But none of the leads can act. It's not the director's job to teach them how. It's production's fault for casting a mannequin and a girl with an extra chromosome as the romantic leads. But Catherine Hardwicke's film established a world. The cinematography was beautiful, and the world that was built almost allowed for the suspension of reality. She also used the score to accelerate what story there was. Whereas in this film, the score was pretty much just emo bitches whining in their sleep. And there was no effort to show Forks for what it is, and when a story is set in a place as beautiful as the Pacific Northwest, a good director would be remiss in choosing to ignore it. Also, in the second one, the scene that Alice saw in the future where Edward and Bella were running through the forest--- what. the. hell.
I don't have a blogspot account so I'm posting as anonymous but it's Sylvia.
That being said, overall they both sucked. I blame Brigham Young.
Anonymous said…
OMG, I agree with you almost completely. Yeah, the movie sucked big time (both of them did). You'd think with all the proceeds they've made from the first movie, they could at least pay for some acting classes right? Right? No, of course not. I actually liked the books (yeah, the whole "pregnant" thing was kinda wierd), but the first two were awesome. What disappointed me the most is that while your reading the books, you have the characters in your head and you love them the way they are, but then they go and make a movie out of it and just crush everything. And to top it off, they make a 2nd one...that SUCKED! I went to see it with my sister, too. I couldn't believe I actually paid 11.25 (the matinee tickets of course--I wasn't taking too much of a chance, especially not after the first one) to see a movie that wasn't even worth the watch. It's like Blood 'N Chocolate all over again, pain X3. The thing about the TV series is absurd. Seriously, hasn't Vampire Diaries tortured us enough?

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