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Zombieland : Time to Nut Up or Shut Up

Before I start with the actual review, let me begin with a rant...

I've been going to the same movie theater for years, and, as I'm an avid movie buff, that means I have been inside this movie theater not only as an employee (for 1 year: 2008) but also as a customer many, many, many times. I have never received bad service before, but I was completely shocked and appalled by the behavior of one of the people I once called my manager.

For those of you who missed this post (check the last couple of paragraphs for the explanation), my boyfriend broke up with me, and we had initially met at this theater when we both worked there. He is still there as a manager / projectionist while I have since quit and gotten a new job. We decided at our last get together (this past Saturday) that we would take 2 months of not talking in order to heal, but he said that if I were ever to want to see a movie all I'd have to do is text him with how many people I would be going with, what we wanted to see, and when, and if he was at work I could get in for free. Neither of us has a problem with this.

My ex was working at projection on Wednesday night, so he couldn't come out and give me the tickets himself. Instead, I had to go to the box office and retrieve said tickets from Kris, another manager. As I walk up, Kris looks at me strangely but then asks what movie I want to see.

"Zombieland at 9:55," I say.

Kris starts to print out the tickets and fill out the necessary forms for free passes, but then these words of wisdom escape from his lips: "So why are you still coming to this theater? I mean, why don't you go to a different theater now?"

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask incredulously.

"Why don't you go to another theater?"

I am shocked. Is he really asking me this? "Because this theater is the closest one to my house." I can feel my blood boiling.

That was the extent of our conversation. Even as I wrote that, my pulse quickened and my blood pressure raised. Who says something like that? I mean, really?
It's just ridiculous. I don't care if I worked there at some point. I am a customer, and that sort of behavior is completely disrespectful and downright rude. I was so offended, and I nearly asked to speak to his manager but simply didn't want to deal with it.

But anyways, the movie...

Just as a precaution, if any of you care about spoilers, DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!! There will be lots of information that most would consider to be "spoilers," so... click somewhere else!!! THIS LINK would be a good idea... Moving on.

Starring Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson, Zombieland is a comedy / horror flick along the same lines of Sean of the Dead which immediately makes it my kind of horror movie. It has a few gotcha moments, but the emphasis is generally placed on the comedy and effects, so if you're going for a real scare, this movie is not for you. Go see Paranormal Activity instead. I've heard that's a real scream. That being said, however, this is not a tame movie. A good portion of the shots include a he
althy serving of blood and guts, and the makeup is not for those with weak stomachs.

We join the plotline well into a zombie epidemic. The entire world has been turned into a wasteland filled with flesh hungry zombies due to an infection causing people to become irritable, flesh-hungry, and prone to spontaneously ooze blood from their orifices. The infection spread quickly, and soon humans had ceased to exist, save a very few survivors.

Woody Harrelson (pictured right) plays Tallahassee, an extremely convincing tough guy who is searching for the last twinkie in Zombieland, and his gun-slinging mannerisms are absolutely hilarious. He
has suffered loss just like all of the other characters, and his response to this loss was to distance himself from everyone he comes across. His catch phrase, "Nut up or shut up" is repeated several times throughout the film, but it's not his only one-liner. In fact, this movie is filled with one-liners. See below this review for a few of those quotes.

Jesse Eisenberg's character, Columbus, is your stereotypical awkward dorky guy - you know, the one character that Michael Cera is capable of playing - and he has survived the zombie epidemic not because he's strong but because he's smart. He compiled a list of survival tactics, and they've served him well on his journey back to Columbus, Ohio (He wants to see if he can find his parents.). These tactics vary from "Beware bathrooms" to "Always check the back seat," and don't ever forget rule number one: "Cardio" because "the fatties [are] the first to go."

He joins up with Tallahassee when they cross paths, and they soon meet up with a pair of sisters, Wichita and Little Rock (played by Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin respectively). Unfortunately, however, trust issues and self-preservation stand between them their success as a surviving quartet.

In the end, Zombieland is definitely a wild ride and a must-see. Also, there's an absolutely amazing cameo at one point in the movie that will leave you laughing for a long while after, but I won't spoil the fun for you. Just go see it.

And now for the memorable quotes:

Tallahassee: "I haven't cried like that since Titanic!"

Tallahassee: "Pretty soon life's little twinkie gauge is gonna go empty."

Columbus: "The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me."

Check out the movie's IMDB site for more quotes.



Lisa said…
OK, so I couldn't even read your review because I was in a hurry and a HUFF to comment about the ticket guy's comment. Is he for real?? Why do you still go there?? COMPLETETLY inappropriate not to mention utterly jeuvanile. Consider me officially offended too.
GunDiva said…
Consider me offended on your behalf. Jerk. Can't wait to see the movie, though.
Anonymous said…
technically you aren't a customer but a free loader that's why you still go there
Stef Howerton said…
Ah, hello, dear, cowardly "Anonymous." Let me clarify so as to correct your ignorance. Yes, at that time, I did not pay for a ticket, but if you had any idea about how a movie theater works, you'd know that the majority (if not all) of their revenue comes from concessions sales. I always - and I really do mean always - order concessions simply based off of this fact, so you, coward, are wrong. I bought concessions, so I was a customer. Now go bother someone else with your attempt to troll.
Anonymous said…
Such a good zombie flick. Woody Harrelson stole the entire show.

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