"Euphemisms"

Exercise #86 : "Euphemisms"

For example:

• garbage collector ---> "sanitation engineer"
• tax collection ---> Internal Revenue Service
• innocents killed / injured ---> "collateral damage"

Usually euphemisms are made up of latinate words; they tend to sound pompously obscure, as indeed, they are intended to obscure something unpleasant, low-status, or offensive. Have fun with this one! Try concocting euphemisms for the following:

• ~candy for breakfast
• ~a defective tricycle
• ~a gas guzzler
• ~a ridiculously big bouffant hairdo
• ~unemployed
• ~painted the wrong color
• ~a stolen election / ballot stuffing
• ~excessive redtape
• ~a cover-up of heinous corruption
• ~the dog peed on the carpet
• ~civil war
• ~a failing grade
• ~tax evasion
• ~a size too small
• ~this building could not withstand a minor tremor
• ~the living room is the size of a mop closet

Well, friends, I'm going to the Dr. again today. I just can't seem to get over this crappy feeling. I'm exhausted all the time, but I've stopped having random fevers and sore throats. I've been tested for everything under the planet, but my doctor said if I still felt under the weather in a week that I should come back to see him. I've been tested for everything under the sun including the H1N1 virus (among other flu strains) and mononucleosis but shown up negative for everything. Ah, how I love being a medical phenomenon. Anyways, I'm going to go back today to figure out if I have a thyroid problem. He said he also might test me again for mono because there's a period after contracting the virus (Is mono a virus? I can't remember...) that a person shows up negative. So in the end, mono is still on the table. That and hypothyroidism. Great. Either way, I'm screwed. Let's just hope I don't have either!

I'll come back tomorrow (or maybe later on today) to let you all know the results. Lord, give me strength.

Peace.
Stef.