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2017 - Week 18: Writing Exercise
Stream of Consciousness


I'm terrible at stream-of-consciousness writing. Truly dismal. But let's do it, shall we??

A perfectionist at heart (thanks, MomLady), I always end up stopping to go back and read through what I've written, check it for grammatical errors, etc., and make changes as I deem necessary. I'm sure all the writers reading this are shaking their heads in empathetic disappointment. It's a common problem for us all.

I hate to say it, but lately... writing has become a source of anxiety for me. It's never been that way, but over the last year or so, it has morphed into this activity that I almost don't even want to do anymore. And that makes me very, very sad. I used to get so much joy from writing, but every time I try to sit down and write the WIP that I've been working on for a long time I clam up, and the words refuse to come. I know it's a great story. It has some really fantastic characters (if I do say so myself), and I find the story to be engaging.

Part of my anxiety is stemmed from the feeling that I won't do it justice and that everything I write will be utter shit. Yes, this is a normal fear for a writer to have. What's not normal, however, is that I've let it keep me from writing this story. Well, I guess that's normal too. There are a lot of great stories out there that haven't been written due to their potential author's fear.

An even greater fear is that I'll never write it. My God, the thought of that makes my heart ache.

What if I never write my story?

And that's what I have to keep reminding myself, I guess. No one else is going to write my story, not in the way I can write it anyway. I have to keep plugging away - even when it's not fun and I'd rather be doing anything else - at the scenes, the characters, and the plot. My story deserves to be written.

I'd love to say at this point that I'll write it and then subsequently publish it, but I can't. I don't know if I write it. I hope I will, but I have my doubts.

We'll see.

Peace.
Stef.

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