Skip to main content

2017 - Week 7: Why I Hate Fortune Cookies

I have a major issue with today's fortune cookies. I'm not the only one.

Let me explain.

First, take a look at the photo below. This is a real life, actual fortune I received from a fortune cookie at a Chinese restaurant recently (we won't even get into the fact that fortune cookies are completely foreign to Chinese culture).

FREAKING COP-OUT
I know what you're thinking, and you're correct. No, that is NOT a fortune. Cute, perhaps. But a fortune? Most assuredly not. And yet, it's called a fortune cookie.

I can't tell you the last time I have actually received an honest-to-God fortune from a fortune cookie, and in truth, I can't even guarantee that I've ever received one. What a travesty.

You hear stories of people opening their crispy wafers just after finishing their General Tsao's Chicken to find a tiny piece of paper that says something akin to, "You will inherit a large sum of money," or "Cheer up, tomorrow will be much better!" Those are fortunes. They make some sort of prediction for the future. Awesome. Good job, fortune cookies.

The ones I get? Nope. They're like the ones in the above image.

  • About time I got out of that cookie!
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Your family is young, gifted, and attractive.
  • Pick another fortune cookie.
  • You just ate cat.
Turns out there's a reason for that. The vast majority (around 90%) of all of these so-called "fortunes" are supplied by a single, family-owned company in San Francisco, and they simply cannot keep up with the demand. As a result, they end up using slightly altered (to keep themselves safe from plagiarism lawsuits) proverbs, poetry snippets, quotes, and such to fill their orders.

I get it. It's hard to come up with original fortunes to supply an entire nation with quippy, appropriate sayings that aren't going to piss anyone off (good Lord, that must be hard to do in today's climate). But here's the thing...

We don't need new fortunes. We just need the old ones, the ones that actually make a silly prediction about the future. And you are welcome to rotate the shit out of those. We like those.

But for the love of God, please stop it with the inane statements about my family being young and attractive. My parents are both in their 60s, my sister and I are in our 30s. We're not young anymore. Attractive, sure, but most assuredly not young.

GRRRRRRRRRR.

Anyways... That's it for this week. This was on my mind recently, and I felt the urge to write about it.

What is the last "fortune" you've gotten from a fortune cookie?

Peace.
Stef.

Comments

Popular Posts

Soft Things

Exercise #105 : "Soft Things" Make a list of soft things. GO!!! This should be easy enough, shouldn't it?

Bonjour New Followers! Well met!

You'll quickly notice that I love lolcats. Don't judge... They're hilarious. Today's post is going to be pretty short, but it's purpose isn't for me to write, but for YOU to write! Tell me a little bit about yourself! Who are you, from where do you hail, what is your favorite thing about blogging or reading other people's blogs? Tell me anything you'd like! If you have a blog, don't fear the shameless plug! haha Leave a link in your comment and go visit some of the blogs linked by your fellow commenters. Speaking of your blogs, I've been going through my list of followers and looking at your blogs. There is some really great content out there! :) Let me just say that I am so humbled that you would be interested in following me and my project. You're all so wonderful, and I can't thank you enough. So get on with it already! Leave a comment about yourself!

"Yellow List"

Exercise #83 : "Yellow List" What things are yellow? Make a list. At the end of the five minutes, note the three you find most curious. Ah, yellow. One of my least favorite colors. I mean, it's nice and all, but there are so many versions of this color that are simply eye-raping. Anyways, on with the list. Things That Are Yellow: bananas school buses yellow bell pepper tennis balls Post Shredded Wheat boxes (see right) lemons canaries the middle traffic light traffic lines the sun cheddar cheese hay corn butter cabs #2 pencils grapefruit raincoats (stereotypical ones, anyway) bees squash yellow jackets (I HATE those things!) the yolk of an egg scrambled eggs or an omelet peanut M&Ms the Simpsons various flowers rubber duckie etc... So that's my list of yellow things! :) The most curious? Well... I'll go with... but none of those are curious! That's silly. Check back later today for my 5th Character Profile on Nolan Ha