2017 - Week 2: #AdventuresInOnlineDating

Hello there, loyal lovelies.

It is Week 2 of 2017, and I have had a particularly active week with my #AdventuresInOnlineDating posts on Instagram (come follow me!).

I started the 'Adventures in Online Dating' series a little over a year ago to bring a bit of attention to how people - men specifically - behave in the online sphere.


It's because of my experiences with online dating that I have chosen to completely disregard dating as a whole and am firmly resolved in a life of single excursions to far-off places and untethered independence. Some people aren't meant to marry, and I may be one of them. And that's ok.

This isn't to say that I've given up entirely. If something extraordinary shows up, I'll hopefully have the ability to see it and grasp it with reckless abandon. But there's a very important word that I've used in that last sentence: extraordinary. I'm not settling, and I'm not going to shrug my shoulders at my relationships, platonic or romantic. Each one of them is special and important, and the ones that aren't? Well, I won't be expending my energy needlessly any longer.

That being said, I created a bogus profile on OKCupid with pictures from some random girl from Instagram and various facts that may or may not be appealing to some in hopes that I might do some research and shed some light on the sordid way men conduct themselves online when tits are involved.

Such an experiment cannot be observed without some rules, however, so please see below for the short list of guidelines I created for myself regarding this completely fabricated profile:

  • Do not reply if the message is polite/courteous, or if it's something mundane like "hey," or "what's up?"
  • Only reply if the message is highly inappropriate, rude, or just generally awful.
  • Give no personal details and request no details from the person messaging.
  • Be as polite and eloquent as possible in responses, but don't minimize impropriety as appropriate. Let them know that how they've chosen to interact with the account is unacceptable.
  • If the conversation turns ugly or abusive in any way, bow out and block, reporting to OKCupid if necessary (this happened more times than I expected).
Every once in a while, I'll respond to one of the nice messages because they seem like genuinely kind human beings, and I want them to know that they've messaged a fake profile but that I wish them the best of luck in their endeavors. This has happened maybe twice in the last year. Bless these men, and I hope they have children who grow up to treat people like they do.

Once my experiment started, I figured it would be a good idea to publish it in the public sphere, putting these jackholes on blast for their dismal behavior. 

Enter Instagram

I also use it to post personal things, food porn, etc., but a large portion of my posts are conversations or initial messages from men via OKCupid.

In a way, it has been helping me move forward from my previous experience in that I am able to call out behavior that I wish I had strongly rebuffed for the 5+ years that I was in that relationship. It makes me feel strong, to be able to tell a man that his treatment of me (even if it's not really me) is not appropriate and that I reject him for it. A bit effed, sure, but it's part of my process, and it's helping me move forward.

Do you have any online dating disaster stories? Please, do tell in the comments below. I live for them.

Peace.
Stef.

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