Thursday, October 23, 2014

Touched By An Alien by Gini Koch
Dear Sissybug Book Review
AKA EVERYTHING IS AWFUL


Dear Sissybug,

I apologize only halfheartedly as I did, in fact, make it through not one, but two of Beth Ciotta's books. And I didn't puss out like you did on either one. So there.

That being said, Touched By An Alien was truly, truly awful. I only made it through Chapter 10, and I'm amazed I even made it that far. I tried so hard to continue, but I could only read a single page at a time before I felt the uncontrollable urge to chuck my Paperwhite against some innocent, unsuspecting wall. Sorry, wall... As a result, it took me what felt like 10 years to read a single chapter, and every moment was excruciating.

The constant onslaught of male dominance didn't stop after Chapter 3, when you waved the white flag and chose to continue no further. At every single moment possible, Martini (ugh, that name) took the opportunity to lay claim on his newly found sperm depository (aka Kitty, ugh, that name #2) and I was continually shocked that the author - a woman - thought that we as readers would find this sexy. Just... no.

There was a sense of urgency that was growing around Chapter 10 dealing with the safety of her family members that had me the tiniest bit intrigued, but I honestly didn't care anything about the characters or the fate of the world. Let us all be taken by slimy mind-controlling parasites for all I care. As long as I don't have to read this Godforsaken book anymore.

I might even go so far as to say that I would recommend His Clockwork Canary to Ms. Koch as a possible stepping stone toward better writing skills. That's how terrible this book was, as I'm sure you'll agree.

In the end, part of me is a bit disappointed that I didn't buy the paperback copy. Now I'll never get to use it as toilet paper... sigh. You win some, you lose some.

Somewhat Apologetically (but only a little),

Your Sister Person

2 comments:

Jennifer Trela said...

Number one: you DID stop reading, so you have no room to give me shit.
Two: How does this book have more than one star on Goodreads? Like, seriously. How? Have people actually READ it? Or are they just her friends who are like, "Oh, she TRIED. Good for her."

Stefanie Howerton said...

I'm going to go with the friends theory. What a shit book.

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