I just read an article in a magazine that truly stunned me, and we all know what I like to do when something makes me turn my head to the side and say, "hmm..." To the blogosphere I go!
So here I am, readers! I'm going to pick your brains on this one, and
perhaps you'll be able to shed some light on what appears to me to be
sheer lunacy. Maybe I'm wrong, and you can change my opinion. I doubt
that'll happen, though. I have the sneaking suspicion that you'll be
right there with me in my confusion.
It was one of those advice columns in a Reader's Digest-esque magazine
that you buy in airplane bookshops for $2 to bide your time while on a
layover. All of it is pretty light reading consisting of clean jokes
about simpleton farmers and Sudoku puzzles. You don't expect to come
across anything that requires much more than skimming brain power.
Imagine my surprise when I actually came across something that made my synapses fire like mad.
It started out simply enough: "My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 5 years, and I love her..."
However, it quickly deteriorated from there on out. "But I'm not in love with her. Truth be told, I haven't been in love with her for a while now."
Ok, good sir. You have my attention. Continue.
He backpedals for a moment to make himself seem like less of a dick. "I mean, I love her. I do. I'm just not in love with her. I'm not even sure that makes sense."
He goes on to detail his history with this woman, how they've known each
other for a long time and were there for each other during very
difficult periods of their lives. Her parents might as well be his own,
and the same goes with his parents for her. He explains that he doesn't
want to do anything to hurt her, but she keeps pressuring him for a
I can completely understand her insistence. They've been dating for 5 years. Surely a ring is just around the corner... right?
"I don't want to marry her, but I'm afraid that I'll lose everything I
have with her if I don't*****. I have a family, pets, a life... She's a
great woman and knows exactly what I need when I need it, but I'm just
not in love with her. I also know that if we do get married it will only
end in divorce."
His question was as follows: "Is being in love with someone absolutely necessary to foster a successful marriage?"
If this man was standing in front of me, I would slap him in the face.
Not only is he leading this woman on, this woman who obviously loves him
and does for him what he needs to be happy, but he is also choosing to
create a future with her that he knows will end unhappily. He has
allowed her to waste these years with him when he has no intention of
spending the rest of his life with her.
The worst part is that he's not in denial. Oh no, he knows that he doesn't love her. I mean, really? Who is this man? What is wrong with him?
Am I wrong here? Does what he's doing make any sense at all? Because I just don't get it.
What are your thoughts?
*****Notice that he doesn't say "I'm afraid that I'll lose her." He's
worried about losing what he has with her, not her. Tragic...