My Own Personal Wardrobe Malfunction!!!
or
In Which I Feel Like a Poorly Behaved Celebrity

First things first, Happy 1/11/11!!!!!

Now on to the story.

I shivered as I sat huddled underneath 3 different blankets and 2 sets of sheets, typing out a scene from my current WIP (I'll have it for you to read soon!).

"BLARGH, it's cold!" I said aloud, directing my statement to the little ball of cat fur that I like to call Lily. She was curled up into a tiny little ball right by my legs and, upon hearing my voice, stretched out and yawned, exposing her white belly. The stretch was short-lived, however, when she realized just how cold it was in my room, and she quickly retreated into the fetal position in an attempt to preserve the warmth that she had accumulated while in a ball.

A few days ago, my space heater broke. Additionally, my house is old and has astoundingly poor circulation, especially when it comes to the heater (I cannot wait to move out in June!). Thirdly, my room is located on an outside corner, and I have 2 very big, not very well-insulated windows that grace nearly 1/2 of one of the walls.

Add those three statements together, and you have one very chilly Stefers.

I had been lazy, you see. When my heater broke, I initially planned to go out and get a new one, but then things kept coming up.

I had to go in early to work.
I had to run another, more important errand.
I was sleepy.
I just didn't want to go.
You know... Things like that...

But today was my breaking point. I was sitting there in my room, attempting to type this scene when, all of the sudden, I noticed that my fingers were moving much more slowly than normal. Now, I do data entry to pay the bills, and my reputation at work is as "the fastest typist in the building." My average wpm count runs around 110-120, but there I was, struggling to get just one letter out per second.


"Ok, that is it!" I closed my laptop, threw on some cloths and my oh-so-not-womanly Cabelas trench coat, and jumped in the car.

Walmart, here I come!

When I got there, I had a hard time finding the space heaters, and, being the quality store filled with quality employees that it is*, I could find absolutely no one to help me. So I did what any lost girl would do.

I called my Mom.

Lasko Oscillating Ceramic Heater
Thankfully, she was able to point me in the right direction, and I was able to pick out a suitable space heater for my room for $30 (pictured right).

As I walked from the back of the store toward the registers, I couldn't help but notice that people were staring at me.

No, I thought, they're not staring at me. I'm just being paranoid or overly sensitive to innocent gazes.

I shoved the paranoia out of my mind and focused on finding a checkout lane.

A few minutes later, I was swiping my CapitolOne credit card through the little credit card thingy (yes, that's a technical term) when I noticed that the checkout guy was looking at me strangely.

Crap, do I have something on my face? I surreptitiously wiped my hand cross my face, feigning exhaustion.

"It's been a long day," I said.

"I know what you mean." He looked like he was holding back gales of laughter.

I bet I just smeared what was probably a tiny dot of ink or something all over my face. Brilliant.

Panicking, I quickly gathered my space heater and bolted out of the store. I tried to ignore the stares as I passed entering customers.

Finally, at my car, I was allowed a bit of respite. I put the box in my back seat, and as I stood back up, I glimpsed downward and immediately started laughing.

On my way out of my house, I had grabbed a camisole to wear under a vest-like sweater, but I had forgotten that the straps were way too long, making the shirt fall downwards. It had fallen so far down that my entire chest was exposed. Granted, I was wearing a full coverage bra, but still!!

But at that point, there's no point in stressing about it. It happened. I can't change it. Plus, I'll probably never see those people again. I stood outside my car, doubled over with laughter for a good 5 minutes before calling my Mom once again to explain what had just happened.

I never thought the day would come that I would fit in amongst the people frequenting the pages of THIS website. *facepalm*

Surely I'm not the only person to have gone through something like this.

Please share your embarrassing stories so that I don't have to feel like such a dork.

Peace.
Stef.

*No offense intended toward any other Walmart stores or employees across the country. This store in particular is known for its terrible customer service and constant state of disarray.

Comments

Kev D. said…
As long as you weren't buying cases of Mountain Dew and eating a Slim Jim, I think you will be ok.
Belle said…
Oh, this is funny and yet I feel for you. I saw a woman walking down the street once who had gotten her skirt stuck in her underwear and you could see her whole backside. People were waving and honking at her, but she just waved back!
Yvonne said…
brrr! i can relate! lol
hayley j said…
okay at least you were at walmart...not saks or anything:) i NEVER get/got embarrassed. EVER. i can/could handle everything. until last year...

warning: it gets a little racy, i'll try my best to keep it PG(-13).

my ex boyfriend and i engaged in an...extracurricular act of love one morning....and when we were finished the first words out of his mouth were, "where'd the (responsible form of birth control) go?!?!"
needless to say, i freaked, called the hospital and had to go to the ER, and have it extracted...lots of embarrassment in between, but you all can imagine. so next time ANYONE reading this is embarrassed, please think of my poor self :)
GunDiva said…
I shat you not, just last week I was at Wally World and saw a girl who was wearing nothing but boy short underwear, a garter belt with stockings, heels and a waist-length short coat.

I 'bout peed myself. It was less than 10 degrees outside.
Kimberly said…
If that happened to me, I'd be checking that website every 10 minutes just knowing I'd show up there. One faux pax and you're branded for life! ;)

Truthfully, Walmarters had a lot of nerve to stare at you.

Hope you are home, safe, warm and clothed. :)
noobventures said…
Found you on Blog of Note and I love it here alkready! I would like to give you an award, I'm your newest follower.

Pick it up here: http://penpaperandamouse.blogspot.com/2011/01/got-my-first-stylish-blogger-award.html
commoncents said…
Very Cool! Glad I found your blog - keep up the great work!!

Steve
Common Cents
http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com
No doubt you'll make the people of Walmart website. Congrats!
Holly Diane said…
Thank you for sharing your story..I loved the laugh this morning!

I can't say much, I wore a tablecloth as a shawl to the theatre the other night...
And, no, I do not mind if you plagiarize or steelers (didja see that awesome game last night? kick-ass). I bestow upon human kind our wisdom [His] and [my] avant-garde efficaciousness. However, Upstairs, it'll all be compiled into a trilogy, honoring the TriGod. See you soon. Love you. God bless.
jules said…
Are you obsessively stalking peopleofwalmart to see if you pop up! No worries! Whenever I have wardrobe malfunctions (of that sort) I always tell myself, "ill never see these people again!" Plus, its good to laugh at yourself, just like you did! Hope you're toasty warm now too!

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