Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I'm a Bit Silly

Today was probably one of the most unproductive days of my life. Well, no. I can't say that. I DID work today. But when I wasn't working, I was either sleeping (I got around 1.5 hours of sleep last night...) or watching an anime called 'Martian Successor Nadesico' (Don't judge...). Didn't do a damn thing. hah In fact, I really shouldn't be blogging right now, but here I am.

I don't know how I did it, but in the course of 2 days, I managed to completely screw up my sleep pattern. I think I'll just have to try to sleep tonight for a few hours and then deal with being a little sleepy tomorrow during class. I can do that. It's going to suck, but it will help me get my sleep pattern back in order. I hate it when I do this to myself. I am, by rote, a "night person," and I'm more prone to be active and awake in the evening than I am in the morning or even during the day. Either way... Time to get sleeping back to normal. :)

Now about Nadesico. I remember watching this show when it was on Toonami on Cartoon Network. My sister used to be a really big anime enthusiast (She still enjoys it nowadays, but I don't think that she's nearly as attached to it as she used to be.), so, oftentimes, I watched what she watched. In general, I don't like the really dark story lines, but give me some comedy and romance, and I'm good to go. For example (Forgive my momentary geek-out here.), you have the tv series of Rurouni Kenshin - Wandering Samurai. This is a charming little show with a character that has a dark past, but he wants to repay all of the lives he took as a samurai in those early years. So he lives his life as a pacifist and saves innocents. On the other hand, there is another part of this story titled 'Samurai X' that details those years of war, showing the dark side of Kenshin. I love the happy-go-lucky tv series but can't bear to watch 'Samurai X.' It's just my personality, I guess. I'm a "and they lived happily ever after" sort of girl, and when I watch a movie or read a book, I like to escape from real life. If the movie or book ends unhappily, then that's too close to real life.

I don't know why, but I've always been able to connect pretty fiercely with characters I encounter through the written page or the screen (either silver or tv). Maybe that's the actress in me; I can almost always walk in other peoples' shoes. Of course, there are extreme cases (i.e. mass murderers, rapists, etc.) that completely evade my probing intuition, but I'm ok with that. Although, I will say that playing messed up characters is kind of fun. There's something there to play with, another element that, in a normal character, wouldn't otherwise be present. I guess my point is that when I'm acting, reading a book, or watching a movie, I find it really hard to completely disconnect from what's going on. I get too involved, and that eventually takes its toll. So when I'm doing things for fun -- in my free time -- I like for things to be happy.

It's past 2 o'clock. This blog is a bit ridiculous. I hope my readers (hah As if I even have readers!) forgive my meandering thoughts. I blame the late / early hour.

Au revoir.
Stef

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Musings... Ravings... New Years Resolutions... and a Recommendation

Happy New Year!

I can't believe it's 2009 already. Holy crap. Why is my life flashing before my eyes like the swiftly turning pages of a scrap book??

I'd like to take a poll to figure out just how many people blogged for the past few weeks about what things they about their life they have decided to change, in the form of the fated New Years resolutions, this year. I'd like to... but I'm much too lazy to actually organize enough to take said poll...

That being said, I'll start out this first entry of the year with my own, adding myself to the steadily growing list of 2009 hopefuls.

First and foremost, I want to get back into my relationship with God. Some might view that as hokey or even stupid, but it's something that's been a part of my life since as long as I can remember. Even when I put that relationship on the back burner (which has been happening for, shamefully, a few years, now) He's always been present, and I have been aware of His constant eye, even if the feeling is extremely faint. Either way, it's time for me to get my crap in gear and strengthen my relationship with God.

Secondly, as always, I need to lose weight. This may seem hypocritical for me to set as a goal for myself being that I made such a stink about weight issues in one of my previous posts, but I'm not doing it for mainstream reasons. I'm doing it for myself. As I said in that previous post, diabetes runs in my family, so I really have to keep an eye on that. My boyfriend has diabetes, and I definitely don't want to have to live a life where I have to constantly give myself injections, worry about my blood sugar constantly, etc. It's a horrible disease that I wouldn't wish on even my worst enemy. I can only hope that someone finds a cure for it soon.

At any rate, because of my weight, I also have an extremely low self esteem. I admit this only because my facade of strength is a point of pride with me, and it's pride that's been rearing its ugly head in my life as of late. I am horrendously proud, but I also have a very low view of myself. How these two states coexist with one another is completely beyond me, but they do. Now, don't get me wrong, here. I like my personality. I think I'm a great girl with a lot to offer. It's the physical side that gets me down. I don't consider myself to be a jaw-dropping, head-turning beauty, and I'm fine with that. At least, I was... until recently. I had bouts of severe self loathing when I was younger, and I thought I was finished with that, having grown up and moved past those demons. But it seems that I haven't. Part of it, I think, is that I those feelings of hatred for my physical appearance never went away. I pushed them deep down into the depths of my mind, so far that I believed they no longer existed. Unfortunately -- or fortunately, depending on how you look at it -- I have spend the last several months of my emotional life sorting through a lot of crap, and it's surfacing all of these old feelings, things that I never had the strength to deal with before. I'm not entirely sure I have the strength now, even, but I believe that, with the help of God and my family and friends, I'll be fine. I think I'll make it. I know I'll make it.

Thirdly, my reading has really gone down the crap hole as of late. I haven't read an honest-to-God good book in... ... ... ... a long time, anyway. The plan is to read at least one book a month. Normally, I'd set a more lofty goal for myself -- such as 1 book every week or so -- but I know that if I were to do that my goal would to unmet. I have too many responsibilities for school and whatnot to feasibly accomplish reading that many books in so short a time. Plus, I plan on reading from a giant list of books called "1001 Books to Read Before You Die." It's a pretty extensive list including books like Aesop's Fables, Candide, and The Things They Carried. It starts with contemporary books and moves down by periods until we get to pre-1700s. Of course, in that category we have The Illiad and The Odyssey by Homer, The Thousand and One Nights, and Don Quixote. In the end, I'm excited to get back to my literary roots, because I've felt so literarily (Yes, I made up that word.) lazy for the past year or so. I mean, I read the Twighlight books, and you can't get much worse than that. I'll go into how horrible these books are in a later post, though, because that's an entire post in and of itself. I will say that it boggles my mind, however, that those books made it past an editor. I am amazed that anyone actually picked them up as a concept. Oi.

Moving on.

Finally, I'm going to focus more on my writing this year. I have some promising ideas that, if flushed out, should result in some pretty interesting stories or maybe just one big fat story. We'll see. Not only that, but I'm going to write more frequently here. It will be good exercise for my writing ability, and it will also help as a sort of therapy. I used to journal every day, but for some reason I just stopped. Time constraints, maybe. Lethargic behavior caused by depression, probably... A number of reasons, I'm sure. But I'm going to do more. I owe it to myself.

Now for my recommendation as aforementioned in my title. Watch The Fall. It's an excellent movie, and everyone who is able should watch it. It's directed by the same guy who did The Cell, if you're familiar. The Cell is a bizarre movie with some very disturbing images, but The Fall takes all of the beauty in The Cell and turns it into stunning cinemato- graphy that pretty much sends you into a visual orgasm. It's glorious (see picture below). And then you've got the story. It's a flawless weaving together of two beautiful stories, and it is so well- performed that I literally can find nothing wrong with it. The two main billings are Lee Pace and Catinca Untaru. You might recognize Pace in the TV show Pushing Dasies, but he's not done much else that has made headlines, which is too bad because he's brilliant. His leading lady, Catinca Untaru is possibly the best little actor I've seen. Ever. She's very young in this movie -- I'd guess around 6 or 7 -- but it is her youth that makes her so good. Her performance is so honest, so truthful, that you believe every word that comes out of her word. And it also helps that she is probably the cutest thing to walk this earth.

In the end, you should watch it. If you are a Netflix renter, please, put it at the top of your queue. You will not regret it. It was the best movie of this past year, followed by Australia (hah I'm sorry to all the critics out there, but I loved that movie.).

Ok. Enough.

Au revior.

~Stef

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