Question #2: Am I pursuing my DREAM, or is FEAR stopping me?

Now, this is a good question... One which I am actually kind of afraid not only to ponder but to answer. But I said I was going to do these questions, and, as I am a lady of my word, I will get through them all.

At one point in time, my dream was to perform on the hallowed stages of Broadway, to dance my way across the television screen via the Tonys... And to be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure that's not still my dream. Over the past few months the thought of "Well, Kristin Chenoweth did it..." has entered my mind more times than I feel it should have. I believed that part of my life to be over. Well, not over, but... I don't know. in remission? I have long since realized that my part in the world of musical theatre is slim to none, and it's not the road I need to be taking. Opera is MUCH more fitting for me. My personality, my performance style, etc... All of those things point me straight down the opera road. But am I throwing in the towel too soon? I know that, if I were to keep going down the opera route, I would always think to myself, "What if?" But simply having that little "if" in my head every once in a while doesn't seem to me enough to warrant a complete 180. I feel like I've progressed. I've grown as a person, and I've gotten better. My parents provided money for me to go traipsing around New York City for nearly 2 years, and what did I get out of that? Some extra dance skills and a worthless certificate of completion. Wahooooo...

So... yes. Fear is stopping me. I'm afraid of New York City take 2 with the same results as the last time: pure and utter failure. Of course, nice little platitudes could be inserted here. "Everyone is afraid of failure, Stef!" "Without failure, we wouldn't appreciate the successes in life!" I guess what I'm more concerned about isn't the failure; it's my uncertainty. There is a part of me that loves musical theatre so much, and I can't imagine living the rest of my life not taking part in it. I am, by nature, a comedienne, and there is nothing that I love more than making people laugh. That is one thing that, based on type casting, I will never be able to do in opera. I'm a full lyric / dramatic soprano as far as opera standards go, and that means that I get to do a lot of dying (i.e. Mimi in La Boheme, Norma, Desdemona in Verdi's Othello, etc, etc, etc, ad infinitem) which, in its own right, is really fun. But it will never have a place in my heart as dear as comedy has.

So it seems that I shall soon happen upon a crossroads, if I'm not there already. Oh, the past is always clear in hindsight.

Tomorrow's Question: Am I doing something that matters?

Peace out.
~Stef

Comments

Mrufka said…
Trying is the hardest part, to start trying. But then what is there to loose? The dream? The dream cannot be lost, even if they tell you, that you are worthless.

Give yourself a chance and knock to some doors

Love
Martyna

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