Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I've Got to Fix Myself Before I Can Affect Others

This next year is going to be focused on me. As selfish as that seems, it's not unfounded. I haven't thought about me in quite a long time, and it's high time I get healthy, both physically and emotionally. I need a much stronger relationship with God (Heck, I need a relationship period with Him.), and I need to really focus on my mental health. Now, I'm nowhere Crazy-ville, but I wouldn't be surprised if I became one of those little old ladies from the horror stories who goes nuts and kills all her neighbors after their dog pees on her lawn. I've always been aware of it, but I've never done anything about it. I recently had an epiphany (spawned by some not-so-healthy discoveries I made about myself), and I 've decided to spend next year not trying to end world hunger or war. I've got to fix myself before I can affect anyone else.
So that's the plan. Get closer with God, take care of myself, and be happy. That's all of my resolutions in a quick little nutshell. :) Wish me luck.
January 1st, here I come.
I was recently watching television, and this person made a comment on how fat people are weak. Now, I'm not morbidly obese or anything, but I do have a good bit of extra poundage on my stomach, butt, and thighs. I'm also really strong. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I'm wonderwoman or SheWoman, but I've always been the strong one on my family. If my dad needs help moving a piece of furniture, he doesn't ask my mom or my sister. He asks me. Why is it that people have such a horrible view of fat people? It's almost as if they view us as a scourge on the planet, destined to infect them with our cellulite and eventually cause the entire human race to disappear from existence. Also, why is fat viewed as so aesthetically disgusting? I'd prefer a guy with a little fat over a guy that's so muscley that his bicep is the size of a nice Christmas ham. The veiny look is not something that gets me going. And better yet, I'd rather go for a guy that I really got along with than a guy that has the "perfect" body.
<-- This is what I call disgusting.

And then there's another topic to go off of. What is the perfect body? 50 years ago, it was a woman with curves. Starting around the 70's the more straight figure came back into play (It was featured in the flapper era with the straight cut, short dresses.), and then the skeleton look began to emerge as attractive. What in the hell are women doing to themselves??! Even though I don't like her music, I am so happy that Beyonce is bringing back the healthy look. The woman is "bootylicious," but she's beautiful. She's healthy. Thank God for that. I don't know about the general public, but I'm not a big fan of a bony chest. You know the look. I think Renee Zellwegger is who made it really popular. Call me crazy, but I preferred her as Bridget Jones. She looked so much healthier. I miss the Marilyn Monroe days where a woman with soft features was exalted. That set a good, attainable standard for girls today. And I will add that there were less women with eating disorders back then. Maybe that should be telling us something. I don't blame Renee Zellweger. It's not her fault. Granted, she gave into the stereotype, but it's the media that's practically forcing today's stars to maintain an unattainable physical look, and since such a look is unattainable by normal, healthy standards, they use drugs to help them along or other methods such as purging and starvation. This is where our world his headed. Awesome. I know I can't wait (Please, note the sarcasm here.).

This blog has turned more into a soapbox than I had planned. Whoops. Before I move on to another topic, though, I'd like to direct your attention to a particularly lovely lady whose mission is to help others love themselves for who they are. Introducing Joy Nash. You can view her myspace at http://www.myspace.com/joynash. This woman is inspiring. Her whole crusade is to change the view of fat. In one of her youtube videos aptly named "A Fat Rant," Joy says "According to my doctors, I am 'moderately obese.' If you ask the fasion industry, I barely deserve to be allowed to wear clothing... I'm fat. And it's okay. It doesn't mean I'm stupid, or ugly, or lazy, or selfish. I'm fat!" She also says, "Now, America's in the middle of this obesity epidemic-- I'm sure you've heard about it. I'm not saying that's not true. I'm not saying we should all be sittin' around pattin' ourselves on the back, cramming ourselves full of junk food with our sweatpants stapled to the sofa. Obviously, diet and excercise are vital. I am saying, that if you do those things-- eat right and exercise-- and and still aren't thin... YOUR. LIFE. IS. NOT. OVER!" I recommend you watch the whole thing; it's very insightful and inspiring. She's an extremely talented and beautiful woman, and it's people like her that girls need to look up to. She loves herself for who she is, and she will not change just so the media and other people will think she's beautiful.

And that's what I'm searching for. I'm looking to love myself. Granted, I need to get healthy physically (That involves losing many, many pounds.), and that may seem like a hypocritical statement, but it's not. Diabetes runs in my family, and I need to get healthy so I don't contract it. I'm afraid that I'm close, but I feel that if I lose weight and get into a healthy weight range (around 150-170 for my height), then I should be in the clear. What a lot of people don't know about me is that the death of my dog this past September hit me really hard. I'm one of those silly people that has an emotional attachment to food, and whenever I'm really down I tend to overeat. Needless to say, I ate a lot over the next couple of months, and I'm paying for it, now. I've gained about 5-10 pounds since then, and that's just not healthy. So there we have it. I'm not losing weight to become more aesthetically pleasing to the public. I'm losing weight so that I don't have to stick myself with needles for the rest of my life. No, thank you.

In other news, one of my new year's resolutions is to finally FINISH a story. And I think I've got the right story with which I can do that. Wahoo! The plan is to publish my story in installments as I write it. It's pretty epic, so expect installments frequently (I'm thinking once every week at least... Here's hoping). And big ones. I'm just waiting for when I get writer's block. Blech.

So here's to new life, new chances, and new opportunities. All ahead full!

~Stef

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

One of the Funniest Things I've Seen

OK, so there's this show called Extras, and it chronicles an actor's ( Gervais from The Office-- original British version) movement through several films as extra parts, and he goes around sort of interviewing the actors in the leading roles. For example, the first clip I have posted on here is Sir Ian McKellen playing himself. Ricky Gervais is auditioning for a role named John, and Sir Ian McKellen is auditioning him. Just watch it.



The second clip is with Patrick Stewart. Ricky goes to Patrick Stewart's trailer to pass a copy of his sitcom script in hopes that he'll give it to a contact or something, but it ends out with Patrick telling him about a current writing job that he is doing involving naked women.



And you wonder why I love these 2 men. They are, by far, the best actors out there to date. Brilliance. If I ever end up writing a screen play, I'll definitely be writing characters specifically for them. hehe

~Stef

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Possible Change of Scenery Come Fall '09

I know, I know... That's not next year, that's the year AFTER. Why must I be one of those people who likes to have long-term plans and goals? If it were up to me, I'd know exactly what I would be doing October 28th, 2015. Sadly, though, I am not able to predict the future.

In any case, I am thinking about transferring to another school for the first semester of my Jr. year. I like Belmont. I do. But the opera program is, at best, lacking. I just feel that I'd do best somewhere where there were people as-- devoted is the only word coming to mind, but it's not the right word-- "devoted" as I am to opera performance. Keep in mind that this plan is still in the egg. It's not even hatched, yet. It could end out that I stay at Belmont until I graduate and then move on to another establishment for my Masters. We'll see. All I know is that I don't think I'll really get much experience here. It's only been one semester; I could be reading what I've seen so far completely wrong.

There is one thing that's holding me back, though. I absolutely adore my voice teacher, Dr. Coleman. She's all sorts of brilliant, and she's helping me become so much better. I can already tell a difference, and we've only been having lessons for a few months. Imagine how much she can help me in 4 years! I wish I could just fold her up and put her into my purse so I can take her with me to wherever I go. hah She's great, though.

Here are a few of my possible choices:
New England Conservatory (paired with either Harvard or Tuft)
Peabody Institute (part of Johns-Hopkins U)
U of Cincinnati Conservatory of Music
Vanderbilt
U of Missouri Kansas
Boston U

Moving on...

I'm watching a show on MTV called "True Life..." I'm sure you've all heard of it. This particular segment is about arranged marriages, and I have absolutely no idea how they work out in the end. It doesn't make sense to me. I mean, they don't know the person they're marrying?!?! How could this be a good idea? I'd FREAK OUT. That's the person that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, and I don't know what his favorite color is? Another thing is that they are pressured to marry young. In my case, I'd be really feeling the heat from my parents (if they were into that sort of thing, which they aren't, thank GOD) to find a husband. I can't imagine. There are girls out there that are my age (and YOUNGER) that are MARRIED. Now, the majority of those marriages are not arranged, but I guess I've changed topics, now.

To be completely honest, I'm done with that topic as a whole. It makes me nervous.

I'm going to go, now.

~Stef

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