Saturday, November 17, 2007

A Talk With My Biological Father

I love my dad. He's one of the smartest people I know, and I still have that little girl view of him where he can do no wrong, and everything he says is right. He's just wonderful.

If some of you don't know, I attend Belmont University, and they've been having this ordeal with the Tennessee Baptist Convention where the TBC is refusing to support Belmont because it has "strayed" from the Baptist denomination. To make a long story short, Belmont is no longer supported by the TBC. Blah blah blah... This wasn't what my dad and I talked about. Well, we started talking about it, but then we got onto the topic of denominations in general.

And then my dad brought up a good point:

What do denominations do? They segregate the body of Christ. If that's not satanic, then I don't know what it is. Think about it. What would Satan like more than to separate the followers of Jesus Christ? This is why I've chosen to label myself as non-denominational. I mean, it's good to share different beliefs and viewpoints, but if we take it to the point where we don't support each other through thick and thin (i.e. TBC and Belmont), then what's the point? We're just as bad as everyone else.

I have more to write, but I have a date with my mom at 2:30pm. :)

~Stef

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Catch-Up Pt. Deux

OK. Back to the unhappiness with my current friend situation...

For the past couple weeks, I've had this general feeling of unrest when it came to my relationships. As I said, I'm really attached to the people I love, and I work for every relationship that I do have. Unfortunately, my friends don't. At least, they haven't been lately. I don't know what it is. You see, this weekend I had a pretty amazing get-together planned in order to celebrate my birthday being that I'll be spending all of it and the next day at the Schermerhorn for Christmas at Belmont. It was supposed to happen at my dad's farm over in Perry County, TN, which is about 1 and 1/2 hours away from Nashville. Anyways, there was going to be a bonfire, games, movies, etc. etc. etc... But come Saturday, 3 people cancel a mere matter of hours before we're supposed to meet. I then start calling people to make sure that they are still able to make it, and another person tells me that it's best that he doesn't go. Now, I understand business. I get it. I'm busy, too. But you should have told me earlier-- before my dad went down to the farm ON A WORK DAY to clean, chop freaking wood, and generally prepare-- that you wouldn't be able to make it. That's just inconsiderate, and it breaks my heart. I've not been this disappointed in people in a while. I felt so bad, because my dad put so much work into it... I was so excited, too.

It really makes me feel taken advantage of, and it makes my self worth completely plummet when my friends don't even try.

It's not even the birthday thing. This has happened more than once. Someone says they're going to be somewhere, and then, inexplicably, they're not. I feel like, if I were to disappear-- just go away-- for a month, only my family would notice. Granted, they'd search like hell for me, but they'd be the only ones.

There's more, but I'm kind of down, now, and am going to go read or something else that will raise my spirits.

I've been writing a bit, and I'm excited about what I've been writing. :)

~Stef

Monday, November 12, 2007

Catch-Up

It's been a while. 1 day over 2 months, to be exact. I guess I should explain myself. There's not much to say really. I'm fucking busy. haha Things have slowed down, now, thank GOD, so I have a few seconds to catch my breath, but, as I said, there are only a few seconds available to me.

There was one point where-- now, this was entirely my own procrastinating fault-- I was writing 2 entire research papers in one night. The horrible part was that both were extremely scientific ("Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and It's Effect on Everyday Life" and "The Media's Portrayal of Autism: Appropriate or Misleading?"), so there was a lot of research required for both. Oi. Congrats to me, though, for finishing both papers in record time. haha Needless to say, I'll not be doing that again. The night of, I had a full on panic attack, because I didn't know how I was going to finish them. BUT I took a step back, breathed in and out for a little while, and paced myself through the rest of the night and the following morning. Other than that, though, school has been pretty nifty. I think I'm actually going to do well, which is totally different for me. I mean, I was never a horrible student, but I was one of those who didn't really try and eased through by way of B's and C's with an occasional A in a class that I really enjoyed. But I'm actually applying myself, and I'm doing well. Go Stef!

OK, other news. My birthday is coming up on this Sunday. 21 years old. Except there's a catch. I'll be at the Schirmerhorn all day. Yeah. And THEN I'll be at the Schirmerhorn all day the next day... So there's absolutely no reason for me to go out to a bar or anything and legally do the things that I technically do anyway... Except I don't really drink. At all. I've sipped from time to time, but I just don't like alcohol. The taste doesn't sit right with me. I guess that's a good thing in the end, because I won't have to deal with the whole drunken vomiting and ridiculous behavior. Trust me, this isn't coming from someone who has never done the drunk thing. I've been there, and I didn't like it. I also plan on never going there again. I like to have control over my body, and there's no reason why it shouldn't stay that way. So bollucks to that!

Along the lines of my birthday... This weekend was not good. Well, it wasn't wretched, but compared to the weekend I had planned... it was not good. I was planning on this whole amazing trip to the farm that my dad has about 1 and 1/2 hours away involving a bonfire, a bunch of junk food, movies, and games... The plan was to leave on Saturday afternoon and whatnot, and then come back on Sunday. Come Saturday morning, 3 (out of 6) people canceled. Just straight up canceled. I was so disappointed. I was going to go ahead with the event, but then I called my other 3 friends who had said they would come to see if they were up for it... And the first person I called said that he would actually benefit from not going. At that point, I was done. It wasn't even that they were unable to come. My dad had gone down to the farm on one of his work days to prepare for the weekend. He chopped wood for the bonfire, he cut the grass... he cleaned... He put in all that work, and for nothing. I've not felt that bad in an incredibly long time. I called my mom in tears, and just canceled the whole shebang. I then called the remaining 2 people and left messages (neither of them answered), telling them not to worry about coming. One of them called back soon after, and praise be to God, offered me what I had wanted all along. He said, "Well, I want to do SOMEthing." It made me feel like he really cared, and that my being around actually meant something. In the end, I held a small little fling at my apartment where we watched The Saint and ate cookies, carrots, celery sticks, etc., and drank soda and eggnog. hehe It wasn't what I had planned, but it was fine.

Now onto my unhappiness with my current friends. I'm really attached to my friends. I work for all of the relationships I have. If I notice that I've not hung out with someone for a long time, I make a point to hang out with them. Apparently, though, the rest of my friends don't feel the same way. I don't know what it is, but lately all of my friends have been totally pussing out on me, including this past weekend.

I just realized that it was 12:30am... I've got to go to bed. But I'll finish later. Tomorrow, mayhaps?

~Stef

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