I've Got to Fix Myself Before I Can Affect Others

This next year is going to be focused on me. As selfish as that seems, it's not unfounded. I haven't thought about me in quite a long time, and it's high time I get healthy, both physically and emotionally. I need a much stronger relationship with God (Heck, I need a relationship period with Him.), and I need to really focus on my mental health. Now, I'm nowhere Crazy-ville, but I wouldn't be surprised if I became one of those little old ladies from the horror stories who goes nuts and kills all her neighbors after their dog pees on her lawn. I've always been aware of it, but I've never done anything about it. I recently had an epiphany (spawned by some not-so-healthy discoveries I made about myself), and I 've decided to spend next year not trying to end world hunger or war. I've got to fix myself before I can affect anyone else.
So that's the plan. Get closer with God, take care of myself, and be happy. That's all of my resolutions in a quick little nutshell. :) Wish me luck.
January 1st, here I come.
I was recently watching television, and this person made a comment on how fat people are weak. Now, I'm not morbidly obese or anything, but I do have a good bit of extra poundage on my stomach, butt, and thighs. I'm also really strong. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I'm wonderwoman or SheWoman, but I've always been the strong one on my family. If my dad needs help moving a piece of furniture, he doesn't ask my mom or my sister. He asks me. Why is it that people have such a horrible view of fat people? It's almost as if they view us as a scourge on the planet, destined to infect them with our cellulite and eventually cause the entire human race to disappear from existence. Also, why is fat viewed as so aesthetically disgusting? I'd prefer a guy with a little fat over a guy that's so muscley that his bicep is the size of a nice Christmas ham. The veiny look is not something that gets me going. And better yet, I'd rather go for a guy that I really got along with than a guy that has the "perfect" body.
<-- This is what I call disgusting.

And then there's another topic to go off of. What is the perfect body? 50 years ago, it was a woman with curves. Starting around the 70's the more straight figure came back into play (It was featured in the flapper era with the straight cut, short dresses.), and then the skeleton look began to emerge as attractive. What in the hell are women doing to themselves??! Even though I don't like her music, I am so happy that Beyonce is bringing back the healthy look. The woman is "bootylicious," but she's beautiful. She's healthy. Thank God for that. I don't know about the general public, but I'm not a big fan of a bony chest. You know the look. I think Renee Zellwegger is who made it really popular. Call me crazy, but I preferred her as Bridget Jones. She looked so much healthier. I miss the Marilyn Monroe days where a woman with soft features was exalted. That set a good, attainable standard for girls today. And I will add that there were less women with eating disorders back then. Maybe that should be telling us something. I don't blame Renee Zellweger. It's not her fault. Granted, she gave into the stereotype, but it's the media that's practically forcing today's stars to maintain an unattainable physical look, and since such a look is unattainable by normal, healthy standards, they use drugs to help them along or other methods such as purging and starvation. This is where our world his headed. Awesome. I know I can't wait (Please, note the sarcasm here.).

This blog has turned more into a soapbox than I had planned. Whoops. Before I move on to another topic, though, I'd like to direct your attention to a particularly lovely lady whose mission is to help others love themselves for who they are. Introducing Joy Nash. You can view her myspace at http://www.myspace.com/joynash. This woman is inspiring. Her whole crusade is to change the view of fat. In one of her youtube videos aptly named "A Fat Rant," Joy says "According to my doctors, I am 'moderately obese.' If you ask the fasion industry, I barely deserve to be allowed to wear clothing... I'm fat. And it's okay. It doesn't mean I'm stupid, or ugly, or lazy, or selfish. I'm fat!" She also says, "Now, America's in the middle of this obesity epidemic-- I'm sure you've heard about it. I'm not saying that's not true. I'm not saying we should all be sittin' around pattin' ourselves on the back, cramming ourselves full of junk food with our sweatpants stapled to the sofa. Obviously, diet and excercise are vital. I am saying, that if you do those things-- eat right and exercise-- and and still aren't thin... YOUR. LIFE. IS. NOT. OVER!" I recommend you watch the whole thing; it's very insightful and inspiring. She's an extremely talented and beautiful woman, and it's people like her that girls need to look up to. She loves herself for who she is, and she will not change just so the media and other people will think she's beautiful.

And that's what I'm searching for. I'm looking to love myself. Granted, I need to get healthy physically (That involves losing many, many pounds.), and that may seem like a hypocritical statement, but it's not. Diabetes runs in my family, and I need to get healthy so I don't contract it. I'm afraid that I'm close, but I feel that if I lose weight and get into a healthy weight range (around 150-170 for my height), then I should be in the clear. What a lot of people don't know about me is that the death of my dog this past September hit me really hard. I'm one of those silly people that has an emotional attachment to food, and whenever I'm really down I tend to overeat. Needless to say, I ate a lot over the next couple of months, and I'm paying for it, now. I've gained about 5-10 pounds since then, and that's just not healthy. So there we have it. I'm not losing weight to become more aesthetically pleasing to the public. I'm losing weight so that I don't have to stick myself with needles for the rest of my life. No, thank you.

In other news, one of my new year's resolutions is to finally FINISH a story. And I think I've got the right story with which I can do that. Wahoo! The plan is to publish my story in installments as I write it. It's pretty epic, so expect installments frequently (I'm thinking once every week at least... Here's hoping). And big ones. I'm just waiting for when I get writer's block. Blech.

So here's to new life, new chances, and new opportunities. All ahead full!

~Stef

Comments

Anonymous said…
I just came across your blog and I agree with what you've written. You probably already know this but the muscle builder picture is seriously photoshopped. There's evidence of that in the curtains behind him that are distorted like he is. Anyway, keep fighting the good fight. I've always been one of those lucky skinny white guys who doesn't have to do anything to stay in shape. Now, at almost 30, I'm starting to get a bit of a belly so I've been at the gym working on that. It seems that almost nobody is immune.
Anonymous said…
Hi! I stumbled onto your blog and while I agree that some people take being thin too far, I can't say that I agree with everything else you've said. But this is how I was raised. Which now that I think about it might just confirm you saying that we've become obsessed with our weights. Growing up, my mother would say something like: "If you eat that cookie, you know what'll happen." That was horrible. Now I'm in university and all I can say is that the Freshman 15 sucks! So what did I do? I ruined my metabolism by starving myself. Sorry...but I'm ranting now. So yea, you're right about a lot of things, one of them being that we shouldn't feel worthless or less at all in comparison to other people just because we have a bit extra.
Romanov said…
Agreed, however make no mistake, it is not the media that posts the image of a "Sexy" woman to be straight and flat chested, it is the modeling industry. The trend of the modeling industry sets the stage from Broadway to LA. Case in point ( Most recently the "Americans Next Top Model" television show accepted a Male transvestite) Now I'm not arguing any political end about this, but the bottom line is, this is a Man, he has the junk of a man, and he's posing as a woman, and the show is allowing it, WHY? You have two gay guys and a woman picking the models. How does that work? I'm not saying they dont know fashion but they are un-realistic! They pick the girls that look Like MEN. Most likely because they wish them to look like men. Look at the modeling industry, it is loaded with gay men, Nothing against gays, I have gay friends who agree with me that gay men cannot pick female models. It would be like straight guys trying to pick male models. I know I couldn't do it. Nor would I want to do it. Now with women! I know what's hot, and it's not a 2X4 with thumb tack tits, It's a curvy body with hips that sing and a filled out butt. Every guy I know will hands down admit that Cameron Diaz was her hottest when she made the movie the Mask with jim carrey. Take a look at her then,, she's Smokin.. Then she hit the thin thing and got nasty to say the least.
steve said…
At one time, a long time ago, it was considered being fat was considered to be sexy. That was when it had no connotations of poor health.

But now we know that being overweight is unhealthy: high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes. So now I don't think being overweight can be seen as sexy by any intelligent person. (However overweight people can still be sexy in other ways since sexiness is not just about figure.)

I've just put on around 16 pounds and to be honest I feel disgusted with myself. Letting ourselves go like that really IS something to be ashamed of. The past year has been most unfulfilling and stressful and I've comforted myself on cheap ice cream far too much and had very little exercise. A big unhealthy weight gain is the result.

But I'm glad I feel ashamed because that motivates me to sort myself out. I'm now making daily exercise a priority and eating more healthily cutting out sugar completely. So feeling bad about my fat has a positive outcome. This has absolutely nothing to do with how others see me. It's about how I see myself.

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