Catch-Up

It's been a while. 1 day over 2 months, to be exact. I guess I should explain myself. There's not much to say really. I'm fucking busy. haha Things have slowed down, now, thank GOD, so I have a few seconds to catch my breath, but, as I said, there are only a few seconds available to me.

There was one point where-- now, this was entirely my own procrastinating fault-- I was writing 2 entire research papers in one night. The horrible part was that both were extremely scientific ("Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and It's Effect on Everyday Life" and "The Media's Portrayal of Autism: Appropriate or Misleading?"), so there was a lot of research required for both. Oi. Congrats to me, though, for finishing both papers in record time. haha Needless to say, I'll not be doing that again. The night of, I had a full on panic attack, because I didn't know how I was going to finish them. BUT I took a step back, breathed in and out for a little while, and paced myself through the rest of the night and the following morning. Other than that, though, school has been pretty nifty. I think I'm actually going to do well, which is totally different for me. I mean, I was never a horrible student, but I was one of those who didn't really try and eased through by way of B's and C's with an occasional A in a class that I really enjoyed. But I'm actually applying myself, and I'm doing well. Go Stef!

OK, other news. My birthday is coming up on this Sunday. 21 years old. Except there's a catch. I'll be at the Schirmerhorn all day. Yeah. And THEN I'll be at the Schirmerhorn all day the next day... So there's absolutely no reason for me to go out to a bar or anything and legally do the things that I technically do anyway... Except I don't really drink. At all. I've sipped from time to time, but I just don't like alcohol. The taste doesn't sit right with me. I guess that's a good thing in the end, because I won't have to deal with the whole drunken vomiting and ridiculous behavior. Trust me, this isn't coming from someone who has never done the drunk thing. I've been there, and I didn't like it. I also plan on never going there again. I like to have control over my body, and there's no reason why it shouldn't stay that way. So bollucks to that!

Along the lines of my birthday... This weekend was not good. Well, it wasn't wretched, but compared to the weekend I had planned... it was not good. I was planning on this whole amazing trip to the farm that my dad has about 1 and 1/2 hours away involving a bonfire, a bunch of junk food, movies, and games... The plan was to leave on Saturday afternoon and whatnot, and then come back on Sunday. Come Saturday morning, 3 (out of 6) people canceled. Just straight up canceled. I was so disappointed. I was going to go ahead with the event, but then I called my other 3 friends who had said they would come to see if they were up for it... And the first person I called said that he would actually benefit from not going. At that point, I was done. It wasn't even that they were unable to come. My dad had gone down to the farm on one of his work days to prepare for the weekend. He chopped wood for the bonfire, he cut the grass... he cleaned... He put in all that work, and for nothing. I've not felt that bad in an incredibly long time. I called my mom in tears, and just canceled the whole shebang. I then called the remaining 2 people and left messages (neither of them answered), telling them not to worry about coming. One of them called back soon after, and praise be to God, offered me what I had wanted all along. He said, "Well, I want to do SOMEthing." It made me feel like he really cared, and that my being around actually meant something. In the end, I held a small little fling at my apartment where we watched The Saint and ate cookies, carrots, celery sticks, etc., and drank soda and eggnog. hehe It wasn't what I had planned, but it was fine.

Now onto my unhappiness with my current friends. I'm really attached to my friends. I work for all of the relationships I have. If I notice that I've not hung out with someone for a long time, I make a point to hang out with them. Apparently, though, the rest of my friends don't feel the same way. I don't know what it is, but lately all of my friends have been totally pussing out on me, including this past weekend.

I just realized that it was 12:30am... I've got to go to bed. But I'll finish later. Tomorrow, mayhaps?

~Stef

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